Skip to main content

Tell me your troubles and doubts...

(it's a Time for Mom linkup)

A Letter to My Son {stream of consciousness} 

Dear PJ,

By the time you are old enough to read and understand this letter, you will likely be well aware of your Mommy's love of celebrity gossip. You may have agreed to watch an award show with me, or had to sit through Extra while we get ready for bedtime. I'm not embarrassed about it. Everybody has flaws, your Mommy more so than most.

With that out of the way, you will understand why Mommy was so sad to hear about the passing of Robin Williams. The news that he had taken his own life was very hard to hear.  Just a few nights ago, we curled up on the couch together to watch Aladdin, one of the few works by Mr. Williams that wouldn't be over your head given that you are four. You smiled and laughed as the Genie zipped around the screen, and I was so happy to share the joy of make-believe with you.

Sometimes, though, the people who are the most capable of bringing you a make-believe that you can believe in have the hardest time with reality. I see a little bit of the showman in you, PJ. You love to make people happy, to make them smile and cheer, and I wonder if there isn't a bit of artist, a bit of the ability to bring some make-believe, in you.

I saw a quote by Ernest Hemingway today. It was posted by another writer that I admire, and it summed things up perfectly:

"The best people posses a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, 
the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice.
 Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, 
sometimes destroyed."

Risk-taking, bravery, truthful-ness and a capacity for giving are all qualities I hope you have, PJ. They are qualities to be envious of and come through in the shiniest of souls. Those qualities reap the most reward, but can also leave you the most vulnerable to hurt, disappointment, and failure. It's easy to tell you to not be afraid of those things, but deep down we all know better. The higher the climb, the harder the fall. 

It's okay to feel those things, to feel your victories and failures right down into your soul. You learn something from both experiences, and you will have victories and failures as you go through life. Learn from them, and recover from them. This won't be easy. When the lows hurt you, it can seem logical to find the quickest way out. 

I can tell you that I love you, that Daddy loves you, that your friends and family all love you and believe in you. I can tell you that I would climb down into the dark with you and help bring you out, but that's not enough. You need to know your value and worth, and know how much the world would lose without you. If you ever find yourself feeling like there is just no way to go on, I just need to you reach as deep down into your heart as possible for that last thread, the one that will remind you of all of the highs you would miss. Grab that thread and hold on. You don't even have to know what to do- it will be enough to ask for help. If you can't come to me, go to someone you can trust. I can't promise that it won't take a few tries to get it right, to find the person with the right directions. But, hold on. You'll get there. 

Despite all of this, despite all of the risks, I hope that you will be brave. You have so much to share with the world, and I can already see how happy it makes you doing so. People will know you are amazing, and people will think you are horrible. It's how life goes for everyone. But the people who put themselves out there are subject to the most backlash, the harshest criticism, and you have to be strong inside to face that. And for the times when you're just not strong enough, lean on the people who love you. We'll hold you up. 

People who act, who write, who paint and sing and dance change the world in a way that is very gray. It's not something that can be clearly drawn, like a doctor who saves a life or a police offer who protects us. The changes an artists makes are measured in inspiration, in emotion, and can be subject to vicious, relentless criticism. Be ready for it if that's the path you choose. Be ready, but don't bow to it. And when you're the strong one, offer grace to the ones who aren't. 

And if someday, no matter what path you choose, your sadness is more than just reaction to criticism, deeper than a failure, or impossible to overcome; if something is really, truly wrong and you can't put your finger on it, just hang on. It can be helped and you can get there. 

You are only four, and this a lesson for well beyond your few years. I promise to do my best, along with Daddy and all of the people who love you, to help you know your worth along the way. We are always here for you. 

I love you, Sweet Pea. 

Love, Mommy


Beautiful letter! IT will be great for him to read when he is older!
Kimberly said…
Great post! And I loved that much truth in it.
Maria Brittis said…
Hi there saw you on bloggy mom
I am invited to Fabulous Friday Party, come and link your posts! Thanks Maria

Popular posts from this blog

My LTYM Experience or How I Accidentally Ended Up On A Stage

The final chapter of my participation in the Listen To Your Mother Show ended with our live performances. I turned 39 on May 3rd and on May 7th, I was on a stage at the beautiful South Orange Performing Arts Center with 12 other souls  (as well as our incredible producers, Sandy, Brooke and Deborah) that handily out-shined the beauty of the space. It all still feels as if it may have been a dream. A very gratifying, emotional dream.

It ended the same way it began, with my worrying about clothes. Before our first rehearsal, I was stressing out knowing that the next morning, I would be meeting a room full of strangers. Not only that, I would be taking a cast picture with these strangers and reading a story of the worst moments of my life. It seemed like too much to be vulnerable about my story and about my precarious self-esteem at the same time.

Despite all of that, I got into my car on a Saturday morning, armed with coffee and the soundtrack to "Hamilton." Clad in the pink a…

Maybe I'm An A-Hole, But I'll Pass On The Pity Date

Do not hate me for this one, guys.

It would seem that "Prom-posals" are the new thing. It's when one teen asks another to prom, but makes it an event. Balloon bouquets, flash-mobs, celeb cameos, flower arrangements- some of these put my actual marriage proposal to shame, much less my awkward heywannagotoprom conversation I had with the guy I was dating my senior year.

It just occurred to me that I should dig up one of my prom pictures. {shudder}

Anyway, back to proms. These extravagant invites have become the stuff of YouTube videos everywhere and, even thought I think the way these have become over-the-top is kind of insane, I'm totally along for the ride. Roses in math class? A flock of minstrels from the glee club to serenade a prom hopeful? I will watch the shit out of that. I think the romanticism is sweet.

At some point, I start to think about PJ as a prom-goer. Right now, while he's in kindergarten, it's hard to know if that's in the cards for him.…

There's still much to learn, so many dreams to earn...

{ of consciousness}

Today is April 2nd, World Autism Awareness Day, and it is Autism Awareness Month.

The month begins on the heels of news from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that Autism is on the rise. 1 in 68 children in the areas followed by the CDC are identified as having an Autism Spectrum Disorder, up from 1 in 88 just a few years ago. In New Jersey, the numbers are far higher then the national average at 1 in 45. 

You can view a summary of the latest CDC report here, but there are two points of the report that stood out to me:
Less than half (44%) of children identified with ASD were evaluated for developmental concerns by the time they were 3 years old.Most children identified with ASD were not diagnosed until after age 4, even though children can be diagnosed as early as age 2.Content source: National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities
PJ was diagnosed with Autism shortly after his second birthday. Pete and I had already utilized an e…