Monday, August 29, 2011

"You've got this look I can't describe, you make me feel I'm alive..."

It is an amazingly beautiful Monday, and except for the down trees, fallen branches, damp, post-flooded basement and the swamp in our backyard you would never know Hurricane Irene came blowing through here this past weekend!

That bitch.

Although the storm wasn't quite as terrible as predicted, there was still a trail of destruction left in her wake. Our basement was flooded (although it wasn't as deep as the nearly three feet my sister-in-law's basement got!) but thankfully, I was able to get out PJ's baby stuff and his Pack n' Play before they were destroyed. We didn't lose power like so many of my friends did, but the storm was still really scary. The wind blew and the rain poured and the alarms from friggin' tornado warnings every six stinking seconds blared all night! And to think, just three days before, we were enjoying amazing weather and the excitement of an east coast earthquake. Mother Nature has just been full of laughs these past few days.

Still, before she unleashed her wrath upon us all, Pete had a stretch of three days off and along with the gorgeous weather we enjoyed a lot of family time together! Pete has a work schedule that is equal parts sucktastic and equal parts awesome (he works nights, and it's hard to work, get enough sleep, and spend time with us, but he also has a six-day-off stretch once a month. So it's a wash.) so when he has time off we try to spend as much time together as possible. For the first half of last week, each evening was more beautiful then the next, so after dinner, we went outside to soak it in!


We played catch...



And ran races...



We blew bubbles...


Lots of bubbles...



We ran towards the sun...


We stretched our shadows...

Spending time with my sweet, beautiful little family filled my heart with the same kind of light that was shining through the trees those evenings- the soft, warm, glow kind that makes everything look amazing! I never imagined playing catch outside of our home after supper could be so wonderful. I did the same thing every night when I was a kid! Back then, those nights were fun, but now? Now that I'm a mama?


It's beautiful.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

"Baby, you're a firework, c'mon let your colors burst..."

Today is my Mom-Mom's birthday!

When my sister and I were very young, Mom-Mom managed to convince Marla she was 29 years old. It started when Marla was three or four and every year on her birthday, Mom-Mom turned 29 until one year Marla finally told her "Hey! You're gonna be 30 this year!"

Marla's always been a little gullible like that.

It's been more then two years since Mom-mom has been gone, and I miss her every. single. day. Sometimes, I see her face so clearly in PJ's that it makes my heart stop. I watch my beautiful boy grow and think about how wonderful it would have been to see her enjoy him. She would have loved his energy and his appetite and of course, his blonde hair! It was the bane of Mom-Mom's existence when I gave up being a bottle blonde.

By now, everyone knows the story of the last time I saw my Mom-Mom alive.We talked about how much she wanted Pete and I to start a family and I insisted that we would be waiting at least a few more months, not knowing that I was pregnant already with PJ. I will always know that he was her gift to me.

I hope that PJ gets all of her best qualities. Mom-Mom was hard-working, loyal, and smart. She was funny and touch and giving and proud. She was tiny, but held herself like she was a thousand feet tall. She was widowed relatively young and held a job, kept her home, and had a life. Through it all, her skin was amazing, her hair was coiffed, and her nails were perfect. She was beautiful.

I can't wait until PJ is old enough to hear stories of Mom-Mom. I hope he always, somehow, feels connected to her because in my heart, she left off where he began.

Happy birthday, Mom-Mom! Thank you for being my son's guardian angel. I love you!

Monday, August 15, 2011

"If you're feeling certain feelings that just don't seem right, treat those pesky feelings like a reading light..."

Oh, friends.

I know I have been an terrible blogger. Completely MIA.

I'll explain a little something about myself. I love to be there for my friends and the people I love. I can listen to problems long into the night, and if I don't have anything helpful to say (I usually don't have anything helpful to say) I just try to be there in whatever way I can. I like to help. It makes me happy. It, somehow, fills a need of my own.

When I need help...well, I just need. I'm not talking about little things like if I need someone to watch PJ for a bit or I want to borrow a pair of shoes (hi, Marla!). I can bug someone to find out what to use to clean my acrylic tub or ask for couponing advice (hi, Michelle!). But if there is something that is truly weighing my heart down, something really on my mind, I just click everything off. I don't talk about it and I usually avoid anyone who might lull me into feeling comfortable enough to spill my guts. Which is pretty much everyone I love. Pete hears a lot of it, mainly because I can't escape his concern since I live with him and all. I used to even blog about what was heavy on my heart because it was super passive-aggressive. It was a way to get everything out without having to actually face everybody.

It's just that lately, I sit down to blog and I just...have...nothing. And it's not to say that it hasn't been a fabulous summer. We have swam and vacationed and played and walked. The days, thought friggin' hot, have been full of friends and family and fun. And PJ...oh, that baby boy of mine! He eats like a horse and climbs like a squirrel and makes me smile every. single. day. He's so funny and sweet and energetic and even when I'm down, I know what a blessing he is to me!

Look at this face. That's the face of a blessing.


He loves to sit in the bottom drawer.

The things that are on my mind...I'm not drowning. I am fully riding the waves, seeing all the beautiful things around me. I just can't seem to open up.

Hopefully, I'll be back to my regularly scheduled programing soon.

Goodnight, loves.