Thursday, March 31, 2011

"Honesty is hardly ever heard..."

It’s Week 13 of the BFing Blog Hop!

Topic: Fertility and Sex


Share your experiences, feelings, or concerns about how breastfeeding affects fertility or your sexual relationship with your partner.

New to blog hops? You might want to check out: "How To Blog Hop"

Hosts:

Life With Levi

The Slacker Mom & Diary Of A Devil Dog Wife

This Week’s Guest Host:

A Breezy Life

Want to participate?

Here's what you need to do:

  1. Link up a post! Find a post on your blog related to this week's topic. You can write a new post, or use a past post. (Be sure to use the URL for your linky entry, NOT your blog homepage. You may link up as many posts as you’d like, as long as they all relate to this week’s topic.
  2. Follow the blog hop hosts via GFC in spots 1-4 below. (We always follow back!) Spot #4 will always feature a guest host chosen from participants in the previous week’s blog hop.

Optional:

  • Share the linky by adding the code to the bottom of your post, along with these guidelines. (You can grab the linky code by clicking
    the "Get Code Here" link in the lower right corner of the Linky box below)
  • Check out some of the other blogs that linked up – the more
    blogs you follow (and comment on), the more followers you’ll gain.
  • Grab the Breastfeeding Blog Hop button below and display
    it on your sidebar or in your post.
This linky will be open two days - Thursday, 03/31 & Friday, 04/01.


Life With Levi




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Wow. We have two pretty heady topics here. I didn't think I would have very much to say. Turns out, I did.
 
The topic of fertility has always been a tricky one between my husband and I. When we were married, I was 31, and although we didn't plan on trying to have children until we had been married for a year, I was worried that the closer I got to 35, the more difficult it would be for us to start a family.

Of course, anyone who reads this blog knows that we were married less then 10 months when we became pregnant with our son Peter. Needless to say, we were surprised, but after the intital shock wore off, we were ecstatic! Now, PJ is 16 months old, I will be 34 in May, and we are thinking of trying for another baby at the end of this year. Despite our accidental surprise conception of PJ, I can't help but wonder if it will be just as easy when we are actually trying for another baby. Right now, I am not prepared to let that fear rush our decision to have another child. Still, it's often on my mind, despite the fact that I am healthy, my cycle is still very regular, and there is no real reason to think that I won't be able to conceive.

Although I have yet to set an actual plan as to when I am going to wean PJ, I think it's highly unlikely that I will still be nursing him when Pete and I try for baby number two. Breastfeeding or not, however, I don't think nursing would cause any obstacles in conceiving. My cycle returned very early, when PJ was just three months old, despite the fact that he was exclusively breastfeeding. At the time, I was totally annoyed (oh, I lovedlovedloved not getting my period while I was pregnant! It was wonderful!) but now that I am starting to see the glimmer of another baby in my eyes, I am happy that my body returned to "normal" with ease!

For the time being, or at least for the next couple of months, we aren't thinking about another baby and, instead, are enjoying having PJ as the center of our lives! We are both completely in love with our son, and sometimes, it makes it hard to focus on each other as husband and wife. Especially in my case, as I sometimes find it hard take off my Mommy hat to put on my wife one (or take it off, har har...). As a stay-at-home-mom, my focus is on caring for my son and tending full time to our home. Being PJ's mother is the most amazing this I have ever experienced and I find everything else coming in a distant second...and this includes being a wife. When my husband (finally was lucky enough to have) found a nursing job and began working nights, we started to live on completely separate schedules. He needs to sleep during the day and is working when I'm in bed and when he's off, his inner clock is still thrown off. It makes it difficult at best to focus on us as a couple and after the privilege of being PJ's mama all day, well...sometimes it's hard for me to find the motivation to try.

I don't think it is because of breastfeeding that it can be hard to connect in a "marital" way with my husband (although in the early days of nursing, there was a lot of "Jesus, don't touch them, are you out of your mind??? Those bitches are killing me!"). Nursing in and of itself was extremely important in our method of  parenting, but it wasn't a barrier between us. It was more the all-encompassing pull of parenthood and, in particular for me, being a mother. I have thrown myself so fully into it that it can be very difficult to make room for anything else.
 
It is something that I need to work on for sure. It is possible to be a great mother, a great wife, and a great me without one thing taking away from the other. Finding a well-rounded me can only help the people around me. Breastfeeding, mothering, tending to our home, being a wife- those are all only compnents that make up a whole, and it's possible to give to all of those components freely and still have them be equal in importance. It's all a learning experience, part of this crazy journey that we're all on, and I wouldn't want it to be any other way!
 
How lucky we all are to have this forum as a means to support and encourage each other!

5 comments:

Kat B. said...

I completely agree with your statement about throwing yourself so completely into motherhood. Its very hard for me to switch 'hats' at will. I found your blog through the Breastfeeding Blog Hop and I would love it if you could follow me back at http://hardtimesmom.blogspot.com.

Jen - LifeWithLevi said...

Ooh, is it wrong that I'm already excited that you *might* start trying soon? lol!

I agree - breastfeeding is definitely only one component that affects everything post-baby. You're adjusting to a new role, a new person, etc...

Great post! Thanks for guest hosting the Breastfeeding Blog Hop this week.

Jenn said...

Okay, all I saw was "another baby". Yay for another baby!!
Seriously, switching hats and trying to wear both at the same time is so freaking hard.

Darcy said...

I hear ya...
It took 3 yrs of trying to have Rissa. I'm nervous about what that means for the next one, so we'd like to start trying at the end of this year when she's 1.

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