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Showing posts from 2011

"Ain't about what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb..."

PJ's new thing has been climbing out of his crib! It came out of nowhere- one day he was rattling the door when I thought he was safe, sound and asleep. After that, he became a climbing machine!

That nerd.

As good as he is at climbing, the constant in and out isn't a good thing. He hasn't fallen or hurt himself at all- in fact, he's pretty stealth! Still, his being hurt isn't something I want to risk, so tonight is his last night in his crib. Tomorrow, Pete and I will convert it to a toddler bed and transition him into sleeping that way. It's time. On Christmas Eve, he climbed out and then couldn't get back in so he fell asleep on the floor! Today, he did the same thing, but instead of the floor, he fell asleep in his rocking chair:

It was actually really. stinking. cute. Nonetheless, it's time, and I have only cried once.
So far.
It's my baby's last night in his crib. {tear}

"Hello, my friend. Hello."

So. Very. Tired. It's been a strange few days, alternately hectic and slow; heavenly and harrowing. PJ was sick the week of his birthday and the week after his party! Wait. What? Yup, you read that right! Peter Joseph had a birthday! My baby boy is a TWO YEAR OLD! I have lots to say about that but it will have to be for another evening. That sickness I referred to wreaked havoc with PJ's sleep and when PJ isn't sleeping Mama's not sleeping, either! So, we're a tired bunch here. Either way, I just wanted to stop by my blog on this very windy, warm-for-winter evening to say hello before I head off to bed! Hello! And goodnight. :-)

(that rumble is Dr. Suess rolling in his grave...)

Oh, The Places You'll Nurse! (also known as "Dear Dr. Suess, I Am Really, Really Sorry About This!")
Congrats to you, Mama! Today is your day! You've got a great bra on! You're off and away!
You have brains in your mellon. You have boobs on your chest. You've made the decision that Breastmilk is Best!
Just you and your baby Is how this will go! Just latch, letdown, lunch Will be all that you know!
This breastfeeding biz Will be quite a breeze! You'll whip out your knockers Wherever you please!
But that chest-full of boobs And that melon with brains May sometimes feel like Breastfeeding's a strain.
And sometimes it's hard Things make you say "Fuck!" Like your nips leaking breastmilk Or when you're baby won't suck.
When BF-ing, things happen- And frequently, too! To ALL breastfeeding mamas! It isn't just you!
And when things start to happen Don't worry. Don't stew. Just go right along. You'll start happening too! (Dr. Seuss actually said that part! …

"In every heart there is a room..."

Things have been going by in a blur lately! I can hardly believe it's already November!! For those of you who don't live in my little piece of New Jersey...I wish you did! Our apartment is on a huge park in our town and it is absolutely gorgeous right now!

We have been so busy! PJ has started his therapy sessions and is receiving Occupational Therapy and Developmental Integration once a week, and this week he started Physical Therapy that he will have once every other week. It only adds up to 2-3 hours per week but it somehow seems to fill such a large section of our time.

Therapy started out a, interesting! :-) PJ is once again in the throes of teething (I know, I know. He's the slowest teether ever. We are up to a whopping TWELVE TEETH! WTF?) so he is cranky and in pain off and on. Add to that strangers coming into the house to challenge him and we had a pissy little dude for the first two weeks. My sweet boy has gotten himself together though and we are fin…

"In those silent, happy seconds that surround the sound of this event..."

I miss breastfeeding. There. I said it.

I have blogged before about all of the emotions I felt when PJ weaned himself at just over 19 months. Those emotions came as a surprise to me- I figured that as much as loved nursing, I would be excited and happy for the freedom that not nursing would bring.

That idea turned out to be only partly true. As PJ grows, I am so excited for each new development even though I may miss the one that is ending. From smooshy newborn lump stage to alert smiling waving stage; from rolling to crawling to walking to running, each day brought something new and special and amazing from my baby boy, and I have loved every. single. second of it!

As each stage ended, I would find myself fleetingly giving it a backwards glance, happy that changes were developing but mourning a bit for the time past. Our babies are only babies for such a short time, how can I not be sad to see the moments fly by! Moving from nursing to not nursing, however, was a different emotion…

"Don't think twice, it's alright..."


I am actually really, really glad that I got everything out about what's been going on with PJ in my last post. I feel a bit like a weight has been lifted and I didn't expect that- I really didn't want to talk about it at all. But it's out and my heart is full of the loving and encouraging words I have received!

Still, I learned a lesson. I can't blog and watch Parenthood at the same time!! One of the characters on the show is an autistic child, and I was literally sobbing at my keyboard as I wrote about PJ thinking, "And what if Max and Jabar don't make up??? And can he really write an apology note? WAHHHH!!!!!!"

I know that makes no sense if you don't watch the show. I just felt it was important to let you know where my mental status was when I was writing that post. Ahem.

I am still scared and angry and sad and experiencing a trillion emotions. I never knew the power of my feelings until I learned that there might be something w…

"The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth..."

PJ has a new favorite hobby. I wish it was baseball or jumping or even needlepoint, but it's not.

He likes to drink the bathwater.

I have no idea what that's all about and it's superdupergross (doesn't he know his ass is in that water??) but he loves to float around the tub like he's swimming and, in the process, drinks ninetygajillion gallons of bathwater. Ew. Ew. Ew. It would be super helpful to me if someone else jumped in and let me know that their child is a bathwater guzzler, too. Otherwise, my nagging suspicion that PJ is the Weirdest Baby In The World will be confirmed.


In an attempt to distract him from his drink-y ways, we are introducing some new bath activities (aside from the usual washing of the hair, face and body). I found this fun idea on the Play At Home Mom website- turning out the lights and  filling the tub with glow-sticks, like the ones people wear on the Fourth of July! It looked like fun and it was a cheap enough endeavor (we got…


When I was in high school, music was my salvation. Even though I was a fairly happy teenager, I still went through a healthy dose of Normal Teenage Angst mixed with the usual sadness that life can bring- illness, death, heartbreak, etc. I know a lot of people who look back on high school with a mix of bemused nostalgia and slight horror. Bad hair, bad boyfriends, bad jeans. In my case, you can also add bad acne. {shudder} Most people I know wouldn't go back to high school if their life depended on it.

Because I had music in my life, I can look back on high school with a full heart. No matter how hard things could be, there was a 40 minute period where I could sit down with my friends and sing every. single. day. It was like being on a therapists couch. I would walk in with the weight of the world on my shoulders and exhale it all out in an array of notes and song and joy. I remember every note of it, every amazing piece of music that my wonderful high school music teacher brought…

"And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already..."

It's FALL! It's fall and I am so happy to see it!

The weather has been amazing, and life has been crazy! It seems kind of appropriate- along with the change of season comes a season of change. My thoughts have been swirling around in my head and I have longed to just sit down and blog it out, but often, I just don't know where to start.

Fall in and of itself has played a big part in keeping me afloat! The weather has been breezy and beautiful, with each day bringing just a little more crispy-ness and color. The leaves are starting to change and the days suddenly become so much shorter! Walks are taken, playgrounds are conquered, errands are run and everyone stays comfortable! And the truest sign that fall is here?

My Uggs are out! :-)

We have continued PJ's classes at The Little Gym and he is slowly getting better with participating the the group warm-up activities at the start of the class! This past Wednesday he did all of the exercises, but he sulked and cried unt…

"Help! I need somebody!"


We signed PJ up for classes at The Little Gym! He's always loved group activities such as story hour and swim lessons, so this seemed like a perfect fit for our active little dude! There are things to climb, rings to swing on, balance beams to conquer, and big piles of squishy, giant block things to scale! He love, love, loves it!

Here's the problem. His class is geared towards children 19 months to three years, so there are a few structured activities at the start- a welcome song, a warm-up, and a short group physical activity. In all of his other activities and classes, PJ has loved being a part of the group. He sat still for stories and blew bubbles on command. I don't know if it's the lure of the balance beam reaching in to his little heart, but when we tried to sit down together to begin the group activities?

PJ completely lost his marbles.

Seriously. It was a tantrum of the ages. The class sang the welcome song? PJ howled. The class started to run for warm…

"You've got this look I can't describe, you make me feel I'm alive..."

It is an amazingly beautiful Monday, and except for the down trees, fallen branches, damp, post-flooded basement and the swamp in our backyard you would never know Hurricane Irene came blowing through here this past weekend!

That bitch.

Although the storm wasn't quite as terrible as predicted, there was still a trail of destruction left in her wake. Our basement was flooded (although it wasn't as deep as the nearly three feet my sister-in-law's basement got!) but thankfully, I was able to get out PJ's baby stuff and his Pack n' Play before they were destroyed. We didn't lose power like so many of my friends did, but the storm was still really scary. The wind blew and the rain poured and the alarms from friggin' tornado warnings every six stinking seconds blared all night! And to think, just three days before, we were enjoying amazing weather and the excitement of an east coast earthquake. Mother Nature has just been full of laughs these past few days.


"Baby, you're a firework, c'mon let your colors burst..."

Today is my Mom-Mom's birthday!

When my sister and I were very young, Mom-Mom managed to convince Marla she was 29 years old. It started when Marla was three or four and every year on her birthday, Mom-Mom turned 29 until one year Marla finally told her "Hey! You're gonna be 30 this year!"

Marla's always been a little gullible like that.

It's been more then two years since Mom-mom has been gone, and I miss her every. single. day. Sometimes, I see her face so clearly in PJ's that it makes my heart stop. I watch my beautiful boy grow and think about how wonderful it would have been to see her enjoy him. She would have loved his energy and his appetite and of course, his blonde hair! It was the bane of Mom-Mom's existence when I gave up being a bottle blonde.

By now, everyone knows the story of the last time I saw my Mom-Mom alive.We talked about how much she wanted Pete and I to start a family and I insisted that we would be waiting at least a few mo…

"If you're feeling certain feelings that just don't seem right, treat those pesky feelings like a reading light..."

Oh, friends.

I know I have been an terrible blogger. Completely MIA.

I'll explain a little something about myself. I love to be there for my friends and the people I love. I can listen to problems long into the night, and if I don't have anything helpful to say (I usually don't have anything helpful to say) I just try to be there in whatever way I can. I like to help. It makes me happy. It, somehow, fills a need of my own.

When I need help...well, I just need. I'm not talking about little things like if I need someone to watch PJ for a bit or I want to borrow a pair of shoes (hi, Marla!). I can bug someone to find out what to use to clean my acrylic tub or ask for couponing advice (hi, Michelle!). But if there is something that is truly weighing my heart down, something really on my mind, I just click everything off. I don't talk about it and I usually avoid anyone who might lull me into feeling comfortable enough to spill my guts. Which is pretty much everyone …

"Just let me get my head right- where the hell am I?"

Welcome to A Bunch of Random Thoughts Because It's Too Friggin' Hot Outside To Really Concentrate On Any One Topic! {cue game show-type music}
Seriously. My brain is fried.

PJ and I had been cooped up for two day because it was just too hot to take him outside. We finally ventured out today for some time with friends and then a trip to the (very crowded) mall to get a birthday gift! Nothing to really write home about blog-wise, but it's what went down.


Amy Winehouse was found dead today. I am a huge, huge fan of her music and think that Back to Black was brilliant, but the fact is that we've all been watching her die for years. It wasn't a shock at all, just a huge disappointment. I used to say that it made me so angry that God allowed Amy Winehouse to live when she was trying so hard to die and had my brother-in-law Greg die when he was trying to hard to live. Now that she's passed, it doesn't fe…

"What have you done for me lately?"

Grab your sports bra and hop, hop, hop!
It's the Breastfeeding Blog Hop! Whee!

You can get all the details on how to join in by visiting Jen at Life With Levi! While you're at it, take come time to check out her fun mama blog!
This weeks topic is...  The Benefits of Breastfeeding
We all talked a few weeks ago about the changes in your body that breastfeeding brings. There were a few pluses (no periods, weight loss) in a long litany of minuses (saggy boobs, sore nipples).
All of that aside, we've all heard it: Breast is Best. While I don't think that formula feeding makes a woman less of a mother or gives her child less of a shot then a mother who does breastfeed, it was indeed the right thing for us and for a number of reasons.
In all honesty, the number one reason we wanted to breastfeed is because it's free. FREE! We weren't laying out money for formula or bottles except for a few I kept for pumping. Until P…

"I've gone to look for America..."



 PJ and I at the Oaklyn 4th of July Parade, watching Pete march with the fire department! PJ loved the parade and had so much fun even though it was superduperhot!

"It's you and me in the summetime..."


It. Is. Friggin'. Hot.

It's super hot, so of course my poor PJ is super melty! The kid just can not hang with the heat, so he's been a bit out of sorts, even in the air conditioning. There's been a lot of Emergency Blue's Clues up in here, that's all I'm sayin'!

We finally got around to joining the neighborhood pool, so that offers us a cool way to get some of PJ's energy out! He loves the water and he loves running around the (very large, lovely) grounds! My cousin-in-law Jen and her brood are also members, so we have family to spend time with while he splash! Jen and the kids will soon be off to her husbands next assignment in N. Carolina (he a high-ranking officer in the Army) so it is wonderful to have some time with her and the kids.

The summer is almost halfway over, and it's gone by so fast! It's been so much fun being able to do so much with PJ- trips to the shore and the Pocanos, afternoons at the pool, story hours and music c…

"It's all happening at the zoo..."

It's all happening at the zoo.

I do believe it...

I do believe it's true.

"Waves crash, baby don't look back..."

Pete just came off a seventeen-day long vacation, which is partially the reason I have been on a blog-cation. Having Pete home for so long was such a treat that blogging just wasn't a priority! He's gone back to work and we are back in our "normal routine" around here, which is both good and bad. Good because it's easier on PJ when we're following our usual timetables, and bad because we got back to Pete sleeping during the day and working at night. Bah.

Eager to do things with PJ during Pete's time off we headed to Margate for some time down the shore! (For those of you not from NJ, the phrase "down the shore" is the proper way to express going "to the beach".) Margate is a really nice area, between Ocean City and Atlantic City, filled with fun bars, surf shops, and home to Lucy the Elephant!

On our first full day we were joined by some of our favorite friends and their very excited littles! Within a half hour of their arrival at the…

"Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead..."

Things I am ...generous ...stubborn ...moody ...talkative
Things I am not ...patient ...religious ...neat
Things I love son husband family friends
Things I do not love ...when PJ gets a shot ...the Matrix trilogy ...bad drivers ...mean people
Things I like to eat ...enchiladas ...pancakes ...bagels and lox ...fried matzo
Things I do not like to eat ...tomato ...mushrooms ...lamb ...Quiznos
Things I have amazing, wonderful son ...a patient, knowing husband apartment in an awesome part of town ...many, many flip flops
Things I still want ...a house be organized and neat have better balance to my marriage be a better me
Things I want to do tomorrow ...get PJ's bloodwork done ...wash our bedsheets make our grocery list ...keep PJ cool and entertained on a hot day
Things I want to do in a year ...get pregnant ...make a career change a home ...become anew
Things I wished for and received son ...good friends husband family and friends
Things I kee…

"Oh, you gonna let it all hang out?"

It's the Breastfeeding Blog Hop! Whee!

You can get all the details on how to join in by visiting Jen at Life With Levi! While you're at it, take come time to check out her fun mama blog!
This weeks topic is...  Breastfeeding Body Changes __________________________________________________________
When my son PJ was born and I began my journey into breastfeeding, I didn't take into consideration the changes, if any, that I would see in my own body. I just wanted to get this kid fed! I figured fleetingly that I would nurse for a year, lose 20 lbs within a month from all those calories I would burn, and still have firm, perky breastestes!
Oh, did you hear that thud? That was me. Falling back to earth.
Breastfeeding is kind of a big deal. Your body is producing a substance that keeps another human being alive! It's much more complex then when my body is firing synapses to absorb this weeks episode of Gossip Girl. With all of that body complexity, it's to be expected that t…

"Now something on the surface it stings..."

I was perusing Facebook and watching Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals tonight when I noticed a status update from a friend of mine. She was offering up prayers for her best friend. I had met Stephanie when I was a bridesmaid and she was the Maid of Honor in my friend Mandy's wedding. She was hugely pregnant at the time but dove into her duties with gusto, despite her burgeoning belly! Since then, we have kept in touch on Facebook, just the occasional "Hey, how are you" or comments on status updates about our kids (she has two, a 4 year old and a 2 year old who was in her belly when I met her).

When I saw Mandy's status, I clicked back through Steph's page and found out that she had gone into the hospital for pain related to kidney stones and a few days later was given a diagnosis of breast cancer after a lumpectomy. Tomorrow, she's having a mastectomy.

Fucking breast cancer. This girl is thirty-one fucking years old.

It's one of those things that's …

"Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away..."

Ahhhh... The weather has been absolutely amazing these past few days! Warm, sunny days and cool, lovely nights that are perfect for sleeping! There has been a lot of outdoor activity for my sweet PJ! Walks with his mama, Playground playdates with good friends, Swinging on the swing at his Bubbe and Zayda's house, Playing on Nan and Pop's porch! It's the type of weather I dream about! But, it is fleeting- the weather is supposed to get superduperhot by mid-week and it will be indoors-only for me since my baby Boy just Can't. Handle. The. Heat. It pretty much turns him into a melty pile of miserable. (He gets that from his Daddy) Pete has a three day stretch of work ahead (boo) and will be done just in time for the heat to set in. And when it does, I will position both of my heat-sensitive boys squarely in front of the A/C and wrack my brain for ways to keep my kept-cool-but-cooped-up baby amused. Fun times. Still, today is Sunday and it won't be hot 'till Wednesday which gives…

"...and it's our God-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved..."

What wonderful times we have been having!

I feel like the past few days are trying to make up for every sucky day I have ever had! It's been a steady stream of fun, friends, and family! Even though Pete is on a three day stretch at work (which includes Memorial Day. Fail.) we are lucky enough to have places to go and people to see!

The day after our beach trip, my sweet friend Michelle came by with her littles for an impromptu pool party! I sent Pete out that morning and an hour and $25 bucks later, we had a baby pool blown up and filled, water toys to play with, and a fun sprinkler spouting water for the kids to run through! PJ alternated between splashing and screeching with his friends and hopping out of the pool to run to the front yard! It was warm enough to be in the pool but not so warm that we were dying of heatstroke! The mama's got to chat and after we had the kids dried off and dressed, we all came back in to enjoy a delicious lunch together! It was a great morning…