"There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how..."

I didn't anticipate how hard this past week was going to be. I had a very naive idea of what PJ's recovery would be like, and didn't anticipate the level of pain and discomfort he would be feeling. Seeing your child in pain is, on an emotional level, just exhausting. Pete and I were just discussing PJ's first night after his surgery, the way he was just screaming and writhing in pain, and we are just thankful that he is a baby and, most likely, has already forgotten that terrible night. Pete and I? We pretty much realize that as a parent, you don't even forget something like that, it leaves a scar on your heart. Seriously? My sister went through four open-heart surgeries before she was 6 years old, and I'm not sure how my parents made it through that without losing their minds!

So, we're worn out and still feeling emotional, but things are starting to look up! PJ had his urology follow up today! The stent was removed from the surgical site, and the doctor said that his Little Man Bits looked great and were healing beautifully! With the exception of the terrible diaper rash he has from the antibiotics and topical meds, PJ is healing and healthy! Except for a few seconds while the stent was removed, and a few minutes later when he tried out the pipes with his first stent-free pee (It stung. He cried. Loud. Poor muffin!) he was in a great mood today and was acting and moving about like his old self!

And the Mama breathed a sigh of relief.

Speaking of the Mama, I and finding myself in a position I have been in before- trying so hard to please people that it stresses me out and yet somehow managing to piss them off. The latter really isn't that much of a shock with my huge mouth, but it still makes me feel bad even when it shouldn't. I am just thankful that I have people in my life who understand me and know how to look past my gigantic gaping mouth flaws.

I know that was vague and made no sense. Sorry about that. I think that now would be a good time for me to retire to bed!

Oh, but not before I check on PJ for the billionth time! He's taken to sleeping on his belly and I am super paranoid about it!



Oh, wait. One more thing- just in case some of my new Twitter friends made it here, hi! My blog doesn't usually suck this bad! :-)

"It's the perfect day, tomorrow's gonna come too soon..."

Today's plan was to continue our sequesterment (is that a word? I guess I'll find out when I spell check...) and hang inside.

But that went out the window! The lingering effects of an exceedingly aggravating e-mail yesterday had me feeling a little stabby (thanks, Ann Marie! Great term!) and the beautiful morning had me longing for fresh air, so with that, I made the executive decision to get the hell out of my apartment for the morning!

It was off to my favorite coffee haunt to meet up with my favorite coffee friend, her sweet duo of gals, and PJ's super-handsome BFF! The gals played, the boys noshed on Gerber puffs, and the Mama's enjoyed iced coffee drinks with LOTS of whipped cream and vented about this, that and the other! It was delicious and cathartic and exactly what I needed! An easy outing that allowed PJ and I to have a change of scene without being too strenuous for my post-surgery Baby!

(And by the way, thanks, Michelle, for meeting up with me and letting me vent! It was exactly what I needed this morning and I can't thank you enough! I am so very grateful for your friendship!)

Pete surprised us when we got home with the suggestion that we go out to lunch! It's a rare treat for us since we are trying to save money. But it was really just too lovely to be inside, so we headed off to Haddonfield to the Corner Bistro (I think it has a different name now) and enjoyed our lunch al fresco!

The rest of the day was pretty mellow, the highlight (ahem) of which was soaking PJ's Little Man Bit in a shallow bath to soften the surgical dressing so we can peel it off.

Yeah. You're welcome for that mental image.

Fast forward to tonight- Pete is at work, the baby is in bed, and the Mama is just about to follow! I think getting in bed with a book is exactly what I need to make this day complete!

So, goodnight!

PS- Sequesterment? Not so much a word.

"Oh don't you know I'd find a cure and take your pain away..."

So, thankfully, things are getting back to normal here!

PJ is recovering from his surgery like a champ, and becoming more and more like his old self as each hour passes! He is still having some minor discomfort at the surgical site during diaper changes, but it is healing beautifully and is not impeding his movements at all! Although he has started trying to crawl on his knees with his belly off the floor instead of army crawling, and Pete and I theorized that it was to keep him from dragging his Little Man Bits across the floor! :-) He's not eating as well as usual, but he still has an awful lot of meds on his belly, even if we were able to switch the acetaminophen with codeine for just plain old acetaminophen (aka Tylenol). He's drinking and nursing so we're not concerned. In a few days, he'll get his stent out and the real healing will begin!

Taking care of PJ aside, it's been very quiet here (well, depending on who you ask...). I'm kind of keeping his sequestered until his stent is out and the antibiotic is done, so we have been playing with his new table-toy thing alot, singing lots of songs, and taking naps, all in the comfort of the this apartment. I am eager for PJ's follow-up on Monday and hearing that everything is looking great so we can be out amongst the living again! \

And yes. This is a self-imposed exile because I am a psycho Mama a Mama who is concerned for her son's health. I guess we don't have to be in hibernation, but I am enjoying this time with my son! :-)

Besides, is he not the cutest patient ever?

We took this picture in the pre-op room. PJ's surgery started much later then we expected and we were trying to keep PJ amused!

So just a few more days in exile with my Baby Boy! He'll do the healing, I'll do the Mama thing, and it will all be good!

And thanks, truly, to everyone for all of the well wishes, prayers, encouragement, and general good vibes you sent our way! In the grand scheme of things, even needing surgery, PJ has so much and is so lucky! Pete and I are so lucky to have our sweet, funny, sassy, healthy son, our son who is loved by so many!


"Little slip of a little man, I swear I'd give my life for you..."

To summarize:

Day of Surgery.

-got there on time
-went back into surgery late
-PJ was amazing while we waited, so good!
-Bawled my eyes out when I had to hand him to the nurse (whose name, seriously, was Pinky) to take him back to the OR
-argued about politics with Pete
-chatted with a friend of Pete's who stopped in to say hi. A few floors above us, he sorely undialated girlfriend would give birth to their son many hours later!
-Finally! Our Boy was done! Doc said it went amazingly well!
-Went back to the PACU and there was PJ, tucked into a bed groggily sucking down a bottle of Pedialite
-Checked this, checked that, got to go home!
-Things going well, PJ played, ate, snuggled
-Around 10pm, the rest of his pain meds (the equivalent of an epidural called a caudal block) wore off
-My poor, sweet son spent the next 5 hours in terrible pain from bladder spasms
-he screamed and writhed in pain
-I cried
-we gave him acetaminophen and prayed for some relief
-finally, around 3am, PJ settled just enough to get a few fitful hours of sleep


-PJ was a little more quiet then usual, but in much, much better spirits
-except for during diaper changes, he was having quite a bit of discomfort at the surgical site
-We played, we snuggled, we ate and drank like a champ
-My Mom came to visit, and so did my sister
-We watched "Glee" on DVR and sang the songs to PJ
-PJ cracked up listening to Marla sing a really raunchy, really, really stupid song by Christina Aguilera.
-after a not-fun diaper change and not-fun medicine, PJ is tucked into bed and sleeping soundly
-I am praying he sleeps well and sleeps comfortably


-one more day closer to being completely better

Wherein I babble uncontrollably...

Tomorrow is PJ's surgery to correct his hypospadias.

We had a very quiet, relaxing day at home. We played with PJ, who was in a very funny, smiley mood for most of the day! Nothing fancy, we just enjoyed each other's togetherness. PJ even took a nice, LONG nap, snuggled with his Mama on the couch while I watched a "Jersey Shore" marathon (don't judge). I was too keyed up to sleep, so I alternately watched Snooki and Co. act like jackasses and gazed down at my son. He was so peaceful and sweet and calm- just looking at him made my heart skip! When it was time to tuck him into bed, I had a hard time putting him down, I could have held on to him forever!

I know that I am being psychotic, I mean, my sister had four open heart surgeries, her first when she was two months younger then PJ. She was truly in a situation where her life was in a very precarious place. I know that PJ's life isn't really in any danger, but I am still scared out of my mind. The thought of him being scared, or in pain kills me. I hate the fact that when he wakes up in the morning, I can't nurse him, and I don't want him to wonder why I won't feed him when I know he'll be ready for breakfast. I am not so much afraid of the outcome of the surgery itself, but I am frightened at the thought of him being under anesthesia. I just want everything to be perfect and easy for my son and this is not.

Either way, we have to be at the admissions office at 7:45am and PJ's surgery should begin around 9am. I pray for it to go as well as it possibly can. I pray for PJ to feel as little discomfort, hunger, and fear as possible.

"A friend who taught me right from wrong..."

Scene: My niece and nephew are reclined on my mother-in-laws couch, each playing The Game of Life, Delia on my sister Marla's iPhone and Carl on my iTouch.

Carl: I'm not making enough money!

Delia: Pffft. You shouldn't have picked a career over college!

Preach, sister.

"I was swimming across the sky, clouds and angels by my side..."

Ahhhh! How wonderful it is to rejoin the world outside!! We have been inside the past few days because PJ has a paranoid mama of PJ's fever, so we were all due for some outside entertainment!

We ventured out to our favorite coffee haunt in the morning to meet with my dear friend Michelle and her littles! Her gals were pink-striped, pigtailed balls of energy, and our boys were squirmy and full of handomeness! The coffee had caffeine, the chat was lovely and relaxing- it was the perfect pick-me-up and just what I needed!

After a quick stop at home for lunch, PJ and I headed over to the Gilper house, to hang out with Randi and her gals and visit with her parents. Randi's mom and dad are still in the house in Cherry Hill that they moved to when we were in 8th grade, and as it has a pool, it's always been a favorite hangout! We relaxed in the pool while the kids had a great time splashing about! PJ was loving the water, splashing his hands and kicking his feet and laughing his head off! I would have taken pictures, but I was too busy with my little fishie! Randi mentioned a place that has Mommy and Me swim lessons and if Pete gets a job, it's something I would seriously consider because that Baby Boy of mine Loves. The. Water!

Speaking of Pete getting a job, things have been moving in a more positive direction, but there have been no bites yet. He has gone on a few interviews, which is an improvement over the first like, six months of his job search. So we can only hope that things are moving down the right path, and it's just going very, very slowly. In the meantime, the purse strings are being tightened! If it's not a bill or food, we're not buying it. It's hard- I had to turn down offers to go out to lunch and such. While a $1.50 cup of coffee is okay on occasion, we have to be more strict with stuff like going out to eat, going places, and going crazy buying stuff for PJ. I am hoping to really learn to make some serious changes. And even after Pete finds a job, I hope these changes stick because, thanks to the sleeping Boy-Boy in the other room, our dreams are even bigger!

Right now, though? It's off to sleep...perchance to dream! ;-)


"Tuesday afternoon, I'm just beginning to see..."

Ah, a rainy Tuesday!

Tuesdays are good days in general around here, because it's Pete's day off, so we usually are able to spend some family time together, and get things done around the house because there's two people around to hang with PJ instead of just one!

So when we woke up this morning and it still was dark in our bedroom, I was looking forward to a cozy family day!

Of course, I must be a friggin' idiot to think that that's how the day would go, because whenever there is bad weather, Pete's fire pager goes off All. Friggin'. Day. Down wires, flooded underpasses, the morons that drive into the flood under the aforementioned underpass and need rescued, etc. But, it's all good, and I just think about how someday, PJ will think that it's supercool that his Dad goes out on the fire truck and rescues people!

We did manage to have a precious half hour together to have a yummy dinner- turkey meatloaf (it's gooo-ooo-oood), mashed potatoes, and green beans! Sadly, for dessert Pete's fire pager went off again. Fooey. So I had to eat my fresh strawberries in vanilla yogurt alone. It was delish even by myself! ;-)

PJ's fever from yesterday was much better! He hovered around 99-100 degrees all day and was in much better spirits! Hopefully, it will be completely normal tomorrow. Otherwise, I will seriously consider taking him to the doctors. Again, with his surgery coming up, I want him to be healthy! Thankfully, he's sleeping comfortably now!

Now, I am ashamed to say, I am watching "The Hills" finale while I am waiting for Pete to get home! Which is the only good thing about him being out- I can watch without any commentary! ;-)

And watch I will!


"It's just that it's delicate..."

It's so quiet here!

Pete is at a fire department meeting and my sweet PJ is tucked into bed after a long, punky, feverish day for him! He ran a fever all day but thankfully, he's running a normal temperature now! With luck, the dose of gen. Tylenol he just got will get him through the night!

We had to drag my poor Boy out to the urologist for one last check-up before his surgery in two weeks. Everything is still looking good for an uncomplicated surgery! We are very lucky in that his urologist is fantastic, exactly how every doctor should be. He's extremely patient, calm, and informative. He never acts rushed or like your questions are stupid. He makes sure you get all of the information needed, which I think is an amazing trait for a doctor to have as not all patients/parents are good at asking questions. He has a great bedside manner, and appears extremely confident without also being an asshole.

(Believe me, I have dealt with lots of doctors. That's a rare trait.)

Now, we just wait the two weeks until PJ's surgery. I am both completely confidant it will be easy-peasy, and of course also scared to death! PJ's hypospadias is- thank God- in the grand scheme of things, a minor thing. His urologist does a number of procedures to correct this very issue each week! I have been assured that his Wee Boy Bits will not look any different to anyone who is not a doctor, thus ensuring that he will not earn the name "FrankenPenis" from the girls in college, which would cause him to drop out in shame and never become President!


Anyway, the point is, there could be so many other things wrong instead of this particular thing, and really, I know that we are blessed in PJ's great health! But, even minor, when it's your own child, you can't help but be frightened! I am not as worried about the actual surgery as I am about the general anesthesia. The thought of PJ being intebated just breaks my heart into a million pieces. I just try to remember that when PJ is an adult, he'll thank us for ensuring he not only felt no pain, but was able to stay still while such an...uh...vital organ was being operated on!

Plus, you know. I want grandkids.

So, that's all of that! I think it's time to make like a tree and leave. Or go to bed. Whatever.


"Born on the 4th of July!"

(I know, I am telling these stories waaaaaaaaay out of order! I was going to just go backwards, but I'm just going to get things in where I can!)

Our first Fourth of July weekend with PJ was such a blast!

I found that now that I have my son, all of the things that I loved about the 4th of July (noise, family, parades, fireworks, barbecues!) were completely intensified because we could share it with him!

It all began with Oaklyn's July 4th parade, which was held on the 3rd this year, as it was in lots of other towns so as not to interfere with church services (July 4th was a Sunday this year!). My dear friend Randi and her family joined us, along with our friend Sarah and her sweet son! The kids thought it was pretty cool that PJ's Daddy was going to match in the parade! Or, at least, the did think it was cool, until they realized that they throw candy from the floats/cars in the parade! Then it was less about PJ's Daddy and more about the massive amounts of sugar being flung at them with great enthusiasm by those marching in the parade!

Still, it was exciting when they Oaklyn Fire Department came marching down the street! PJ got to see his Daddy in his "dress" uniform (which Mama enjoys, too! ;-) ) The fire engines rode by with sirens blaring and lights flashing! And that's on top of the strings bands, cheerleaders, Boy Scouts, veterans groups, and festively decorated bikes, cars, trucks and jeeps that went by! It was a typical small-town parade that in and of itself was sweet!

The rest of the day was a quiet one, since the real 4th wasn't until the next day! On that day, we enjoyed breakfast with the Trefz Gals (and I enjoyed a creation from The Bistro at Haddonfield that consists of a Belgium waffle with Nutella, fresh strawberries, and whipped cream. It's as awesome as it sounds. Seriously. If Pete ever leaves me, I'm going to marry that waffle.)! Sarah, Riley and Emilia were all decked out in American flag tee- shirts and Ry even had a stars and stripes manicure! It was nice to spend the morning with our sister and nieces!

After that, it was off to Marla and Steve's for a barbecue! They just had a new patio put it and it's beautiful! There were lots of friends, lots of food, and lots of baby snuggling with three baby boys to cuddle and one still in a belly (Marla's longtime friend Ann is due Any. Day. Now!)! PJ got to become better acquainted with Nicholas, the adorable son of my sister's friends Fabiana and Rob! Just six days younger then PJ and an absolute doll, the boys got along famously!

And yeah. PJ's a little bit bigger then Nicholas. Kind of like how a Hummer is a little bigger then my Scion. ;-)

We bid everyone goodbye when the sun started to dip and headed back to Oaklyn for the fireworks, which we have watched with Shelly and the kids for as many summers as I can remember (save one, which I will get to later!). PJ woke up on the way there, so we decided to let him watch the fireworks! When the first BOOM started, he clung to me, but could not take his eyes off of the beautiful colors in the sky! He didn't even cry or startle- the only giveaway that he might have been scared was the death grip he had on my hand! We only watched for about 5 minutes, but it was the best 5 minutes of fireworks I had ever seen! :-) Everyone got into cars and went home. We tucked a very tired Boy-Boy into his bed and thus officially ended his first July 4th weekend!

Oh, and one more thing? On a July 4th just two years ago? This went down:

and I have been part of a More Perfect Union ever since!

"People in the party, hot hot hot!"

Oy. It's hot.

The heat here in NJ has just been unreal! We had two days in a row of temperatures over 100 degrees! Today was a balmy 94 degrees (ahem...sarcasm...) which honestly seemed like a break!

My sweet son hates the heat- just like his father- so we have spent the past few days hibernating in the house with the A/C on full blast! We sang songs, played with toys, rolled on the floor (well, PJ did), watched Sesame Street, we got so bored, we did this:

I showed Pete this picture and he just kind of blinked a few times and said "Um, why is the baby in a laundry basket?" "But look how happy he looks!", I responded. Silence.

We got really friggin' tired of the inside of this apartment.

Okay. That last one was me.

We recruited some friends and had a quick morning visit to our Favorite Coffee Haunt! It was a short trip, but the change of scene was much needed and much appreciated! After that, it was back to our little home, where the cat howls and the A/C is plentiful!

Since we are sticking close to home, I have been trying to tackle a To-Do list that seems to get two things added for every one that I cross off. But, there is proof of things getting done, such as a scrubbed bathroom, phone calls made, bills paid, and an apartment that is looking increasingly better! And as long as the heat is blasting, I'll keep plugging away.

But as soon as the weather turns lovely again? Pfffft. We're outta here!


"You're my silver lining covered in gold..."

Last week, we has a stretch of amazing, lovely weather- temperatures in the high 70's, sunny, cloudless days, cool nights and no humidity! It was absolutely perfect!

On what was supposed to be the last night of great weather before the heat set in, we met up with some friends for an impromptu pizza picnic in Knight's Park! My friend Tammy, along with her husband Chris and their sweet, sassy girls Kaiya and Mailie, met us in a shady spot next to the playground, where we spread out some blankets and sat with PJ while the big girls played! My friend Shira soon joined us, along with her adorable infant son Dylan, and it was a party!!

What was supposed to be a quick visit to the park stretched into hours as the kids played, the grown-up's chatted, and everyone munched on pizza! The cool breeze kept us comfortable and happy, and there was often heard a comment of "It's just gorgeous out tonight!"

At some point in the evening, we met another little boy who declared he was "Spiderman" and was delighted that PJ was wearing a Spiderman onesie! He showed PJ how he shoots web from his wrist, which PJ found HYSTERICAL! I wish I could show you the video, but as the other little boy didn't belong to someone I know, I don't have his mama's permission! :-P

Of course, all things must come to an end, and with bedtime looming for the various little people, we all reluctantly packed up our things and headed to our respective homes with tired, happy children in tow!

"My love, look what you can do..."

random musings...

Just got back from a "date" with the Sister-In-Law!

Love her!

She looked beautiful and I kind of looked like the butch one if we were a lesbian couple instead of sisters.

Maybe it's finally time to work on that.

It was my first night out without either of my Boys, both Baby and Big, and I missed them terribly!

We saw "Eclipse" and I think I texted Pete about twenty times.

"How's the baby? Still sleeping?"

As if he could sleep without me. Pfffft.

(He went down like an angel and hasn't woken up since his Daddy laid him in his crib. The nerve.)

When I came in, I kissed him on his head because even though he's asleep I'm sure he'd like to know that his Mommy is home!

Still...I truly enjoyed my night out! I am so lucky in my family, and perhaps most lucky in the sister I gained!

Dinner was delicious, the conversation was great, the movie was awesome (my favorite of the series so far!)!

I'm a wife and a mama, but I'm also me, and a night out was good (even if I was itching to get back to my sweet Boys!).

There is so much more to share, so much more to talk about. Our awesome holiday weekend, my nieces dance recital (sooooooo cute!), and some of the things that have been on my mind. Plus, my camera is in my bedroom and I don't want to disturb PJ by going to get it, so the sharing of pictures will have to be for another time!

For tonight though, it's off to sleep in my (thankfully!) air conditioned bedroom, where I will sleep next to my sweet husband and dream of shirtless teenage werewolves know how lucky I am to have the family I do!


"And I will always love you..."

Dear Peter Joseph,

Your baptism day was such a special day, not only because of the blessings you received but because it was also your 7-month birthday!

Daddy and I can hardly believe you have been with us for 7 months! It's been such a wonderful time, and the changes in you this past month have been amazing! Your personality has really blossomed, and you are such a funny little character! You laugh and smile and chuckle at the drop of a hat, and every time you do it is music to our ears! You seem to make everyone around you happy, and other people make you happy, too! You're not a clingy type- if the arms are loving you will snuggle in them!

You are eating like a champ! You are having so much fun trying new foods! Carrots and applesauce are still your favorite (along with the car seat strap that you love to chew on for some inexplicable reason) but you also love sweet potato, green beans, and pears! You tried baby wheat puffs and after you figured out how to get them into your mouth, you seem to have become an addict! We may have to work on that...

You are finally starting to move about! We were getting a little worried that you would become like the sun- a stationary, bright being that has many things orbiting it! But you are rolling, scooting, and not-so-much-crawling-as-much-as-dragging along! It's so much fun to place you down in one spot and have you in a brand-new place a minute later! I guess it's time to start PJ proofing!

Peter, you are a wonderful boy, the light of our lives! You surprise us every single day with something new, and your Daddy and I love starting each new day with you! We hope we are doing okay by you, because you are the most amazing son we could ask for!

We love you so much, PJ! You are the best Boy-Boy in the whole world!

Mommy and Daddy