Dear Horizon BC/BS,
You suck giant donkey gonads. How you can approve surgery for my son but deny the injection he needs as part of his pre-op standard of care astounds me. Surgery, yes, but a needle that costs all of $100 friggin' dollars, no? Please feel free to bite my once-cute-but-now-saggy-thanks-to-aforementioned-son ass. For the close to $600 per month I pay you to insure my son, you should not only give him the stupid shot with no questions asked, you should send over Taye Diggs to rub my back and dry my tears (since I cry every time PJ gets shot). May whoever made the decision to deny that shot get some sort of weird disease that makes everything you eat taste like monkey poo.
Dear Gossip Girl,
Monday night isn't the same without you. It's lonely. Please come back soon.
Thank you for being such a wonderful baby! You had your six month checkup today and the doctor told us what we already know- that you are perfectly healthy and completely adorable! You took your shots like a champ and always behave so well! You are pretty much awesome!
Love, Your Mama
Leave my sister alone, you big, stupid bully.
Warmly, A Sisterly Sibling
I'll be there in a second.