"My feet is my only carriage, so I've got to push on through..."


So tired.

Allergies are terrible, and I don't have a definitive answer as to what is safe for a breastfeeding mama to take for some relief.

Pete still can't find a job, or even get an interview, and is becoming increasingly frustrated and down. Where are we going wrong in his job hunt? Any suggestions?

I am worried about a few of the people I love most in this world.

The sweet new buds on the trees bring some hope, but in this discouraging, allergy-clouded funk, it's hard to notice the fresh beauty of it all.

So, why go on at all?

What on earth could remind me that it's a good old world after all?

Oh, yeah! There's that!

...and suddenly, it was all okay...

"Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to dream, and dream how wonderful your life will be..."

Dear Peter Joseph,

You are four months old today, my sweet boy! I can hardly believe you are already 1/3 of the way through your first year! It has gone so fast, and at the same time, I can hardly remember a time that you weren't here!

You are growing so fast that it astounds us! Your Daddy and I look at you and wonder how this sweet, smiley, raspberry-blowing beefcake could be the same sleepy, squishy, six-pounder we brought home from the hospital! You seem to be changing right before our eyes, and we love more each new thing the days bring!

You don't like to nap much lately, but you are still sleeping at night like a champ! We just hope some of your Daddy's DNA kicks in soon and your nap schedule turns out just as smooth as your nighttime one! When you do get up at night, it's hard to resist your smiles and giggles and put you back in bed! Any other time, though, your smiles and giggles stop everything! You are starting to get such a funny little personality, and even though you're still a bit shy around strangers, you are starting to get very social!

We love you with all of our hearts, PJ! We can't wait to see what the next four months bring, and all of the time after that! As we tell you many times a day, you are the BEST Boy-Boy in the whole wide world!

You are so, so loved, you sweet boy!

Mommy and Daddy

"The words get in the way..."

I can't think of any other example of why I haven't blogged except to compare it to when you get really, really constipated, and you want to go, need to go, but every time you sit down to go?

Nothing comes out.

That's how I have felt the past few weeks. Mentally constipated. I have had much on my mind and my heart, and yet somehow have had no words to talk about them. Lately, everything has been on the surface for me, nothing too deep, nothing too serious.

(and of course, I don't have to pretend that this boy makes me happier then I have ever been in my whole life! He has this belly chuckle that just slays me! He can't quite get his paci back in his mouth on his own yet, but we're thisclose! He's making raspberry's with his spittle now. He is clearly a genius of a level as yet unknown in our time.)

So, I still don't know exactly what I want to say or how to say it. Which is weird for me- this has always been my place to vent unbridled. In the meantime, I am going to actually go to bed early instead of ust saying I am going to.

And maybe next time I will have some words. Good ones.

"We're just one big family..."

Oh, happy day!

It really was a happy day today! PJ really seems to be getting over his cold and was the most happy and cheerful I have seen him in days! We slept very well last night, woke up very sweet and smiley, and had a solid 2-hour nap. He had been cat-napping for days and would be passing out and miserable by early evening, so it made me happy to see him resting comfortably throughout the day!

We ran some errands to shop for a birthday gift for PJ's good friend Gabrielle's birthday party, and for his Mama to hit up Old Navy for the "Sundown Gown" sale! Pete kept yelling at me to go- apparently, I didn't jump on the dress sales early enough last spring, didn't get what I wanted, and "bitched about it all summer". Ahem. So, off we went. A few things for PJ might have fallen into my cart, also (for example, the center outfit from the ad, including panama hat...). Just sayin'...

Marla came by for a visit after work, and got in some good, quality snuggle time with her nephew! PJ obliged by being super happy and adorable and performing all of his tricks (big smiles, grabbing and playing with his toys, happily playing the Kick & Play Piano his Aunt Marla got him, being chubby...)!

I worry about my sister sometimes, so it was good to see her tonight. I mean, not worried in the sense that I think something terrible is going to happen. More like a vague, general worry that things aren't perfect. And I know that they aren't- her job keeps her very busy, as does school, and her lupus, quite often, makes her feel like shit. I am amazed at how she manages all of the things she has taken on (working full time, being a student, being a wife, being a friend...family member...aunt, etc). It's very hard for me not to go into Overprotective Older Sister mode and try to boss her until I can make things right, mostly because A. she doesn't need me too, B. it wouldn't help and C. she's taller then me now anyway! So, I just watch her do her thing, keep my two cents to myself, and pray that there will be some relief from her illness. Mostly because she has a really nice house and it would be a shame to see it go to waste.

Just kidding about that last part! ;-) Anyway, keep her in your prayers if you have some to spare!

And now, it's time to go to bed! Pete's at work, but as soon as he crawls into bed next to me, his day off begins! We are both really looking forward to a full day together as a family! And what an amazing family I have! :-)


"There's never a wish better then this..."





all photos by Michelle Bottalico

"Rest your head close to my heart, never to part..."

Another beautiful day! A girl could get used to this! ;-)

We had a lovely breakfast with my mother- and father-in-law! It was nice to have guests here, and even nicer for PJ to spend time with his Nan and Pop (who I truly need to make an effort to see more- or, bring PJ to see them)! PJ is still a bit punky and shaking off the last of his cold, but he made a valiant effort to be his usual cute, sweet, smiley self!

The weather has been amazing, so I strapped PJ into the Baby Bjorn and we took a walk through Collingswood! PJ loved it- he kicked his legs and could not stop looking around! Personally, my favorite scenery was looking down and seeing the breeze ruffling my son's blonde hair! It was one of those moments where I just can't believe he's mine! PJ has been on a bit of a nap strike the past few days, so it was gratifying when our jaunt into the fresh air left him knocked out cold for a good two hour nap! Nap aside though, he's been tired the past few days (darn cold) so he was asleep a good 45 minutes before his bedtime tonight!

My poor, sweet boy!

And speaking of the Boy (although when am I not?), he was photographed last week by the lovely and talented Michelle Bottalico, a photographer who we have been lucky enough to have chronicle Pete and I from our engagement on! She has been traveling in Italy since just after our wedding in 2008, but came home to help two of her sisters welcome new babies into the world! We were lucky enough to snag some of her time, and had PJ modeled for her camera! She will be on her way back to Italy tomorrow, but sent some proofs from the shoot, including these shots:

I am so in love with this boy!

"Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love..."

Add up the following...

Waking up to a sweet, smiling, much less stuffy PJ


An apartment that honestly looks like a normal, grown-up living space again


Spending a relaxed day with my husband


A walk outside with my son and his Daddy on a gorgeous day


The arrival of a big box of cute, soft, fluffy, fun cloth diapers for PJ's cutey-patooty little behind


Having open windows all day and into the evening


Knowing just how lucky- truly lucky I am to have a beautiful son, a wonderful husband, amazing friends, a loving family, and just enough comfort to enjoy it all



"Don't know much about your life, don't know much about your world..."

It finally happened. Something that would strike fear in my Psycho New Mama heart!

PJ has a cold.

Don't make fun of me- you should actually be impressed that in all of my New-Mama Psycho-ness I haven't had the child flown to the Mayo Clinic yet! The first night, the poor kid was so uncomfortable! Just as he would settle down to sleep, I would hear "SNORT...sneeeeeerrkkkk...SNORT SNORT.....WAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" and that would be the end of sleep! Thankfully, it's two nights later and even though PJ still has that stuffy, puffy face you get when you have a cold, he's much more comfortable! Aside from the fact that he is probably going to end up on a therapists couch after too many run-ins with the bulb aspirator, aka "The Boogie Snatcher"! PJ...uh, really hates that thing! ;-)

PJ's cold has been the finale of what was a very busy week, which included coffee with my Coffee Mama Friends, a trip to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate a successful poop on the potty for the daughter of a friend, a visit today with a great friend of mine, and lunch with my mom, aunt and one of my mom's closest friends! And even better? The weather has been amazing and it really seems like spring might be coming after all!

So, tomorrow starts a new week and I hope all of this warm-fuzzy-ness continues to spill over into the coming days! It may not be as busy a week coming up, but I could sure do with as much time with friends/family/50 degree weather as I can get!

"When I grow up, I wanna be famous...MTV, diggin' on me..."

I have had this song stuck in my head all day, I have no idea why- maybe because I saw that one of the Pussycat Doll's is going to be on Dancing With the Stars. Who knows? Anyway, that song is on repeat inside of my head and it's driving me nuts!

That said, I can't help but think back to what I wanted to be when I grew up. As a very young kid, I wanted to be a scientist, and there was a phase when I wanted to be the first female Philadelphia Phillie! I was a weird kid. I always like to sing though, and from the age of 10 until about the age of 16 or so, I wanted to be this:

And you can quit laughing! Back in the day, Debbie Gibson was pretty cool! Okay, maybe that's a stretch, but when you're 11 and you dream about being a singer, someone who write all of her own songs and plays the piano and is famous for doing so and only a few years older then you is the coolest person in the world! I used to try my own hand at songwriting (and if you read this blog and know my style of writing, you'll know that the idea of me songwriting- especially as a tween- is hilarious!) knew all the dance moves to the Electric Youth video, and would dream of my future stardom! Of course, I quickly figured out that this, perhaps, was not the path for me. I still love to sing and perform, but true stardom was never in the cards! ;-)

Then for a while I considered journalism. I always loved the write and had a modicum of talent for it. I dreamed of covering sports, of all things! I was always a sports fan and as a writer, loved the drama and human-interest aspect of sports and athleticism! What I didn't love was the realization that this is another profession that is extremely hard to break into and be successful at. I wanted my dream career, but I wanted to eat, too!!

That said, I must not have been too serious about the wanting to eat thing, because what I finally ended up going with- and sticking with- was social work. It's what I majored in in college. I finally realized that the thing that made me the most happy was helping people. It's still been a weave-y road for me. After graduation, I volunteered at Camp Heartland, worked at Archway Programs with learning disabled students, moved on to Cooper where I worked in HIV research, and then went on to be a nanny. Now, here I am, a 30-something mama, and still have never worked in what I would consider to be my career. I have had a string of jobs where I think I have made a small difference, and right now, I have the best and most amazing job in the world (PJ's mama!). But isn't it weird- here I am, a grown up, and I never did what I wanted to do when I grew up. Yup, weird.

It's all okay though. I have been paying my own bills since I was 17 (with a few helpful banking contributions from my parents/Mom-Mom until I was 23 or so!). I have been happy at all of my jobs. I have made a difference in the lives of a very few people, but that's enough! I stumbled upon a job after graduation and in that, stumbled upon the love of my life, the person who married me and created PJ, my best bit of work yet, if I do say so myself! Life's been weird, but it's also been pretty good. And maybe that's just how it's supposed to be when I grew up.


"Look at what's happened to me, I can't believe it myself..."

It's been a quiet Monday here after a pretty busy weekend! PJ was exhausted when I put him to bed- I don't expect to hear from him for a while!

I can't believe it's already March 1st! For one thing, it means that my sister Marla and her husband Steve have been married for two years! Oh, well, sort of. They were married on February 29th, 2008, so we can fudge the exact day a bit! Either way, I still think their wedding was one of the best times of my life! And even though by two years, most people realize that marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, they have realized that the work you have to put into marriage is totally worth it! I love seeing them evolve as a couple and as individuals, and I wish them two more plus two more plus a million more years together!

Plus, I need to stay on their good side- if we're ever homeless, I'm heading straight to their place! They have a gorgeous house!! ;-)

My weekend was a sweet one, filled with friends and family. on Saturday PJ and I spent the evening with a good friend, keeping each other company while our husbands were out of town/working! It was a relaxing night of kids, chat, pizza and a movie! The next morning, we had breakfast with my parents, and then I spent the afternoon with one my oldest, dearest friends! Pete worked a short shift at work, so we even got to spend a night together! Watching the US lose to Canada in the men's hockey final was kind of disappointing, especially since stupid Sidney Crosby scored the winning goal (barf)! Either way, it was a weekend spent with some of my favorites, and that's always good!

So after all of that, today was a lazy day! PJ likes to nap in the morning, so we all slept in a little bit, which was wonderful! We love "family naps" around here! Pete ran some errands while PJ and I hung out and relaxed, and all in all it was a quiet, restful day!

The rest of this week is a busy one- lunch at my parents tomorrow, coffee with the girls on Wednesday, Chuck E Cheese with Randi and her gals on Thursday (to celebrate Gabi's correct use of the potty!) , something on Friday (I uh...forget what!), and then meeting up with my friend Mandy on Saturday! It's alot of busy, but it's also a reflection of how lucky I am to have so many people in my life- so many great people that make me happy when I spend time with them!

And now, it's off to bed to wait for Pete to come home from the fire department and to catch some Zzz's before my sweet Boy gets up to eat!