Sunday, January 31, 2010

"It's so good being part of the story..."

Pete and I have a son now, and with PJ's arrival, my heart has never felt so full and I have never felt so happy or so lucky!

Still, his being here makes me miss my Mom-Mom more then ever. I sometimes find myself thinking "Mom-Mom left me here with this boy to raise and I have no idea how I'm going to do it without her!" Even though I am surrounded by wise, experienced, wonderful mama's, from my own mother to my amazing friends, I can't help but wonder what advice and guidance Mom-mom would have had for me. She raised two boys, my father and my Uncle Gary, in a very different time, but her wisdom was always timeless. Even though her own boys often drove her to distraction, she raised them!

Alot of people know that two weeks after Mom-Mom passed away, I found out I was pregnant with PJ. The news of my pregnancy was a surprise to Pete and I, and it was emotional news that arrived at an already emotional time, and I can admit now that at that time, I wasn't sure if it was something I was ready for. Now I look at him and know that God- and maybe Mom-Mom, too- knew that I needed him right then.

The very last time I spoke to my Mom-Mom, she said to me "I can't wait until you start having babies" and unbeknownst to me, I already had the stirrings of a new life within me. I think back to that conversation now, and think that maybe, Mom-Mom was letting me know that I will be just fine.

I look at my beautiful son- blonde, like my Mom-Mom- and will always believe that he was Mom-Mom's last gift to me.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

"I would be happy just to hold the hands I love, upon this winter's night..."

The snow is falling.

I am warm in my apartment.

I just got back from a wonderful time with some fabulous ladies! Girl's Night Out is the best invention ever!

PJ is asleep in his crib after behaving beautifully tonight!

Pete will be home soon and I will have my little family around me, safe and cozy inside.

Yesterday and this morning, I was kind of sad.

Tonight, to steal the words of a good friend, "my cup is full...of happiness".

It's a good old world after all, and I wish the same feeling for everyone!

Goodnight!

Friday, January 29, 2010

"Day by day I wake up for you..."

My sweet baby is having his morning nap, which leaves me free to clean...so of course, I am sipping my coffee and writing!

PJ turned two months on the 26th, and that alone is an accomplishment for me! As a new mother, I feel like I have no idea what I am doing almost all the time. I have my victories as each day goes by (figuring out what cry means what, keeping him warm, breastfeeding, which is sometimes harder then I thought it would be)and each of those moments means more to me then one can imagine!

I have always been someone who likes to do all that I can for the people I love, but I look at PJ and wonder will there ever be enough that I can do for this Boy? Most days, I feel like it's amazing that I have kept him alive! :-)

It's only in moments like this, when PJ is grunting in his sleep as usual, the living room is mostly clean, and I have enough caffeine in me to feel like a normal person that I realize all I can do is take it day by day.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

"Driving away from the wreck of the day and it's finally quiet in my head..."

Today was, as I like to say, full of weirdness.

It's kind of hard to get into without going into greater detail about how strange my family is! I mean, every family is strange, we don't hold the patent on it or anything. That said, I come from dramatic folk, and the joke on me is that I have a zero-tolerance policy on drama. So it doesn't always work out so well. It sometimes takes an effort on my part to keep my family in the loop of my life, as opposed to taking the easy way out and avoiding it all together. I realize that admitting that makes me out to be a not nice person, and that may be true. But, it is what it is.

Anyway, there was a minor dramatic dust-up this morning, and it kind of threw me off a bit for the rest of the day. It is still being played out, so expect more vague, ambiguous descriptions explaining my mood over the next few days!

Moving on...

PJ was also full of weirdness today, and by weirdness I mean drowsiness, by which I mean he slept. all. day. He was up for his usual time in the morning, and was in a great mood, but around 12 noon he drifted off to sleep and did not really wake up until about 6:30 this evening, except to eat. His waking to eat and the subsequent pee/poo diapers that followed helped to curb my growing concern, but it was still alot for this new mama to take! He's tucked into bed now, having gone down for the night not to long after his aimed-for 8pm bedtime, despite being asleep for much of the day. And I have only checked on him a billion times...ahem...

I think now it's time for me to go to bed, too, and hope that the Good Day Fairy decides to visit me again tomorrow!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"Sweet child of mine..."

Today was one of those days that was just lovely! It was lovely in the best kind of way- the kind that isn't rushed, isn't forced, isn't too exciting or jarring to the system. It was just a lovely day!

It actually started pretty early this morning, at 2am, when Pete got home from work! I was up feeding PJ when Pete came in, so I was awake and coherent enough to talk with him a bit, and PJ contributed with some grins and feet-kicking! His Daddy found him pretty hard to resist, so I kept my mouth shut about how Pete was getting the baby all wound up and let them enjoy a Daddy-Son moment!

We all went back to sleep and around 7:30, PJ was ready for breakfast and I was ab;e to start my day! We left Daddy in bed to sleep of his night at work a little longer and PJ and I headed off to the Treehouse to meet my coffee morning Mama friends! Randy, one of the owners, greeted me at the counter with "The usual?" (which, in case you care, is a peppermint mocha with whipped cream!), which made my day! The Treehouse could be like my Cheers! The Mama's chatted while the babies looked cute and the toddlers toddled, and before we knew it, it was time to head home!

PJ and I were excited to come home and spend the afternoon with Pete! We had a quiet day, punctuated with the excitement of a package arriving! It was from one of my favorite people in the world, my high school music teacher, Mr. Reid, and his amazing wide Nancy! I tore open the package and it contained outfits for PJ! We were so excited- PJ was was more excited then he looks, he was just being cool about it!

Pete headed off to work (boo) and PJ and I headed to Buy Buy Baby for an improptu shopping session with friends Michelle and Amy! PJ was super happy to see his buddy Ezra, too! I found a CD of Guns and Roses songs made into lullabyes! I knew that would crack Pete up, so I had to buy it! It's so funny to hear "Sweet Child Of Mine" as a lullabye! We all had a great time browsing the items and chatting!

After that, PJ and I came home, PJ got a bath, ate, and went to bed (a pretty good fourth night of our bedtime routine! PJ was up for a bit but since he wasn't crying I just let him lay in bed and sing to himself!)! And here we are!

Here's to days filled with the simple, sweetest things!

Goodnight!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call..."

Day three! Pj is in bed and skutching about a bit, but he's not crying! Yee ha!

So, the day of my son's two month birthday (TWO MONTHS!!) turned out to be a nice day! For the second time, I found an early bedtime made for a sweet morning, with a rested Boy-Boy at his feet-kicking, smiley-facing, dimple-making cutest! Pete and I enjoyed his sweetness and enjoyed each other while we watched a movie (The Express, about Ernie Davis, the first African-American player to win the Heisman Trophy, it was sooooo good, even though the end made me bawl my eyes out!).

Then PJ and I got dressed and headed over to my very longtime friend Randi's house for a playdate with her gals! A friend of mine from high school joined us with her absolutely adorable kids! The young ones played the day away (well, PJ slept the day away!) and the grown ups enjoyed some much-needed adult conversation over delicious Wegman's food! Yay for Facebook and being able to re-connect with people!

How crazy it is to spend time with the friends you grew up with while your own children play together!! Randi and I have known each other since the sixth grade (her brother and I since the 3rd grade!) and it is amazing to have those friendships that honestly stand the test of time! To have been through so many changes (Puberty! High School! Boyfriends! College! Marriage!) and still have such a strong friendship is such a wonderful thing and such a blessing. Without the support of someone like that, someone who truly knows your ins and out, I think life would be a very hard thing.

So yay! Yay for old friends who have history, and yay for old friends whose future played together today!

"I felt a blessing straight from God, the day you gave me a son..."

Ten Things About PJ
On His 2 Month Birthday!

or, I talk about my kid way to freakin' much!


1. When PJ naps, he's just laid down in his crib or Pack n' Play but at night, he's swaddled so he doesn't startle himself by jerking his body. He LOVES to be swaddled, but every night, he wiggles his arms free and sleeps with them over his head! When he does it, you can hear him going "heh...heh...heh..." as we works to free his arms!

2. PJ is not a big crier, and now that we are more able to interpret what he's crying about, it pretty much comes down to being hungry or tired. His tired cry is pretty steady, but his hungry cry has kind of a babbly sound to it, like when people imitate Ted Kennedy and make that "Eh-rah" sound!

3. Disturbingly, he really likes to watch TV. I mean, I know it just looks like a big, glowy box right now, but I still swear he was staring at Kristin Chenoweth this morning! He will also watch Pete play video games. Weird.

4. I hate to be gross, but this kid farts really loudly! It's unreal!

5. Our favorite time right now is bath time! When he was first bathed, we would put him in one of those slings across his little tub and the poor thing would scream bloody murder! On a whim one night, I tried just dunking him in, and he LOVED it! Like his mama, he likes his bath on the warmer side and could lie there, relax, and splash about forever! I am hoping his love of baths will mean that, unlike his mama, he will feel confidant in learning how to swim!

6. Right after his bath is when his blonde hair is at it's best- it just fluffs right up like a dandelion! Much to his father's chagrin, I like to comb it up into a faux-hawk!

7. And in other news about PJ's hair, he likes to grab a handful of it when he's nursing! He doesn't pull it or anything, he just kind of uses it as his wubby! The other day, I had little mitts on him because he was scratching his face, and he still managed to grab his hair!

8. Some of our sweetest time with PJ is in the morning. I'll nurse him, and then he lays between Pete and I, kicking his feet and looking from Mama to Daddy, grinning and coo-ing and just generally being Really. Freakin'. Cute! Pete and I talk to PJ, chat with each other, and enjoy the coziness of being a family!

9. When PJ is sleeping, he is sleeping, and does not want to be roused! Sooooooooooo like his father! But, when he's awake, he is super-alert, and has been since he was born. He likes to look around at everything! And now that he doesn't have that newborn eye-roll-y thing going on, he makes eye contact and can interact one-on-one!

10. This little man is so, so loved by so many people, and I can't wait until he's old enough to know just how amazingly lucky he is!

Monday, January 25, 2010

"Does that make me crazy? Probably..."

It's Night Two and all is going well so far!

Pete and I are trying to get PJ into a more reasonable bedtime routine, so tonight is the second night he has been down by 8:30! He wasn't getting to bed much before 10, 10:30 before (!), but now that we are understanding his signals better (hungry vs tired, awake vs restless, etc) it was time to start a better routine for all of us!

Plus, I am able to better resist cuddling my sweet baby for all the hours God sends! And okay, the resisting his pretty hard- I want to run in and scoop him up right now! And look at that face, don't you want to scoop him up, too?


(thanks, michelle, for that hat, by the way!)


Our second successful bedtime is a row is helping alot with what was a frustrating day, although not with my boy, in fact, today was a very sweet day for us! Although there aren't too many days with PJ that aren't sweet!

So, how much of that sweetness do I need to share, or that I'm obligated to share? I have to admit, sometimes it's hard for me to give PJ over to other people. Most people seem to be respectful of that, but sometimes, I'm called out on it, and I can't help but wonder who is the unreasonable one.

I can own up to my overprotectiveness. Even though his few issues have been minor, seeing him get poked for blood over and over in the hospital was enough to do this new mama in! He also has something called hypospadias, a birth defect of his genitals (his little man bit is crooked!!)that is truly minor and very easily corrected with a surgery he will never remember. But, because of that, I am not really big on other people changing his diaper- in fact, Pete and I are the only people who have. I'm weird, I know, but should it be okay for me to indulge in my weirdness because I am PJ's mother, or do I give in to the pressure to..well, to share?

I know that in some ways, I am being a lunatic. PJ is one of the most loved babies I have ever seen, and letting the people who love him be close to him can only be good for him and for everyone else! So is that the next mama task I try to master, or is it okay to want to be wary of others caring for him?

That's enough babble for now! Since my Boy-Boy went to bed tonight like a champ, I think it's time for his mama to follow suit! Your reward for reading all of this drivel (if you made it this far) is a picture of PJ getting his bath tonight!!



Goodnight!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

"'Cause everybody cries..."

Before I settle down to write, I really must thank the Lifetime channel for making movies like "The Pregnancy Pact". It takes a network of great integrity and commitment to the entertainment of it's viewers to make a movie filled with so much corny, cheesy wonderfulness! Yay for movies that are so bad they're great!

Here at our place, we have been trying to establish a routine of getting PJ to bed. Thus far...it's a big old failure! I haven't been able to manage to get him to bed much before 10pm every night. Part of the problem is that I have been having some breastfeeding issues at night in terms of PJ being able to get enough milk, so that doesn't help. Both of us are often tired and frustrated, so it's making our nighttime routine a little hectic. And it's making the mama lose some of her confidence!

My sweet husband does his best to try and reassure me, but (and I will try not to sound like a lunatic, lest anyone thing I'm about to go all psycho in some sort of post-partum psycho fit) when you are looking down at this little face, and realizing that you are responsible completely for his well-being and happiness...it's a little overwhelming! As a mama, all I want in the world is for this boy to know nothing but comfort, safety, and love! The love and safety part I have covered pretty easily, but when, for example, you are having trouble breastfeeding, and your sweet baby is crying in frustration, it kind of gives your heart a little pinch.

I know all of this is something PJ and I will both survive- what new mama, or old for that matter, doesn't run into breastfeeding snags?- and will live to tell the tale. But in the moment, it can be so hard!

Thank goodness that I can look down at that little face, crying or not, and know that all of this is worth it!

(PS- I am going to start tagging my blogs by topic, not just song title, so I can look back at them with more ease!)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

"I"m not that girl..."


I am not what you would call a domestic type. In fact, for the most part, I am a freakin' slob! I don't mean to be- I will clean something up and then before I know it, a pile of junk has appeared! It's like I'm Pig Pen- the mess just seems to follow me about!

The funny part is, when I was working, I was the complete opposite! I was Type-A, psycho neat! When I worked at a desk, it was organized, neat, and useful and when I was a nanny, my gals closet and drawers looked like the showroom at the Gap! I hated to work in any sort of chaos, and yet, I am sometimes content to live in it!

Weird.

Now that PJ is here and being his mama is my job (Best.Job. EVER!), I am trying to find a balance between my old work self and my new home-but-at-work self. That can be hard to do when you are just getting your wobbly new-mama legs adept at holding you up, a la Bambi! There are days that I feel like managing to feed my hungry little man every hour was as big an accomplishment as I could manage that day- forget trying to clean the bathroom or load the dishwasher! The mama part of me feel like that's just fine; my old, Type-A work self is horrified; my slob-at-home self just shrugs it off. I seem to have developed some sort of mild schizophrenia.

I want so badly to be one of those put together women who have a neat, organized, attractive living space, nicely dressed children, and manage to put a little tinted moisturizer and lip gloss on every day. I want to be one of those women who make it all seem so effortless- but not in a way that's obnoxious, but in a way that makes me enviable andlovable!

That said, I am a long way from being that woman, enviable orobnoxious! So, I will just have to work on one thing at a time. Right now, my son is sweet, healthy, growing, nicely dressed, and has a nursery to die for! ;-)

For now, that will do nicely!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

"Sky falls you feel like it's a beautiful day..."

Today was a busy day for PJ and I!

This morning was another installment of what is now becoming a weekly gathering of mama's and children at the Treehouse Coffee Shop! Thanks to my sweet friend Michelle, I have been lucky enough to be let into a circle of stay-at-home-mama/friends who are helping to make this transition in my own life very easy! The yummy peppermint mochas aside, it is so nice to have all of these lovely women to socialize with, while surrounded by all of their beautiful babies! Especially as I become more and more confidant about going out with PJ, gatherings like this are great!

After coffee, I stopped at my in-laws, then Pete, PJ and I ran a few errands and enjoyed a quick lunch at Chik-fil-A. I should note that my husband totally encouraged me to purchase a little Flyers sweatsuit for PJ, thus flying in the face of the ban he placed me under concerning the purchase of new clothes for PJ! But as he will be attending his first Flyers game later this month, it was a necessary expenditure! For dinner, PJ and I went over to my parents house! PJ almost let me eat my whole meal!

And now, my sweet boy is finally in bed, and I think it's time for his mama to follow suit! Here's to a pretty nice day, and to another one tomorrow!!

Goodnight!!

Monday, January 18, 2010

"I wake up in the morning, I got to sleep at night, but a day without snack time? That just isn't right!"

Things I wish the lactation consultant had told me
about breastfeeding!


1. Watch out for flailing baby hands because if one of those flying fists of death happens to get a grip on your milky bits, it will bring tears to your eyes!

2. You need to "gather" before the baby latches on- make sure the remote, your phone, a drink, whatever you may need to keep yourself afloat as you feed your little one are by your side, because once the feed has begun you're in your seat for a bit! Unless your husband/SO is around, then you can boss them about to bring you this, that, and the other!

3. The more things you can do one-handed (eat, read, play Wii, etc...) the better!

4. Don't be insulted if your child is nursing and still prefers to stare at his father, even though you carried him for nine months, create food for him with your own body, have a road map of stretch marks across your thighs due to the rapid expanse of your body due to pregnancy, and, last but not least, has your boob in his mouth!!!

5. You might depend on your DVR'ed episodes of "Glee" to keep your sanity when your baby goes through that "feeding frenzy" phase and wants to nurse every. single. second.

6. Nursing might not be for everyone, but if you can do it, it's some of the sweetest, most intimate, most wonderful time you can spend with your baby!!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

"When I see you smile, I see a ray of light..."

I have been dying for just one.

Just even the hint of one!


And no, I am not talking about Girl Scout Cookies, although I pretty much spend any time that's not Girl Scout Cookie time waiting for it to be Girl Scout Cookie time again! And like that's something I'd want just one of...especially considering I ate an entire box of Samoas/Carmel Delights by myself yesterday!

No, I have been waiting for my son to smile at me! He smiles at the strangest times- most disconcertingly, when I am breastfeeding him (insert joke here). And sometimes, he laughs in his sleep! But he hasn't smiled at me just yet.

Well, he hadn't, until yesterday! Please, please excuse my annoyingexcited squeals of joy!



Seriously? I am so, so in love with this boy!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"...and I'm hungry like the wolf..."

All is quiet...

...for the most part! PJ has just been tucked into bed, and I can hear him on the baby monitor making little singing noises! I would think he would be tired- the kid seemed to nurse ALLLLLL DAY today! I know I'm tired! You'd think I never fed him! He must be going through a growth spurt- after seeing all of the cute clothes I ordered him from Crazy 8 to grow into, he must be in a hurry! ;-)

Although, he is really cute while he nurses! He makes the funniest face when he's rooting, and he holds a handful of hair in whatever is his free hand (even though I wish he wouldn't pull his hair! I know that all of that blonde hair could still fall out, so I am enjoying every strand while I can!)! I love spending that quiet, personal time with my baby, even at night!

But, speaking of night, it's time for me to take advantage of the quiet and grab some Zzz's while my Hungry Man sleeps!

Until tomorrow...

Monday, January 11, 2010

"I love you more today then yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow..."

Just a quick note on a lovely weekend!

Not that we did anything at all, really. Pete had to work and I hibernated inside with PJ as it has been absolutely frigid outside! My goal this weekend was to continue to try and make something nice again out of the complete crapheap our apartment has become! Thankfully, I was able to make some progress- the baby's room is pretty much done (pictures to come) and I turned a Giant Mountain of Laundry into merely a Pretty Big Pile. Which, trust me, is something.

Tonight PJ and I took a ride over to have dinner with Aunt Shelly and cousins Sarah, Riley and Emilia! Dinner was delicious, and PJ was sweet enough to wait until I took my last bite before he started wailing that he was ready to nurse! And thank goodness he did let me eat, because he then proceeded to nurse for like, two hours straight!

And the Mama said "Moo".

That said, if you saw this face peeking out at you from his car seat, wouldn't you pretty much offer him up anything he wanted?



Or, this face:




And now Sunday is over and we have a full week ahead of us!

Friday, January 8, 2010

"It's times like these, time and time again..."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


And okay. So it's a few days past New Years at this point! But, you are talking to someone who hasn't, as of yet, sent out the birth announcements for her over 1 month-old son!

(I mean, at this point? Everyone knows he's here! But I'm sending them out anyway, because I feel like spreading cuteness via the mail is a mitzvah! )

Anyway...there is a reason for my enthusiastic, if somewhat late, celebration of the New Year!

New Years comes with alot of expectation for so many people. I mean, Weight Watchers knows what they are doing when they run a sale on membership at the start of the New Year (that I...ahem...fully intend to take advantage of!)! The New Year means a new slate for people, and the air is thick with the promise of weight loss, career changes, developing new habits, breaking old ones, and on and on. For some people, the changes stick and for others? They are as fleeting as the month of January!

I have always been the type of person who sees January 1st as the start of something new in my life! I have tried to make resolutions or, at the very least, just change my attitude about the things that are going on in my life. It's usually a resolve to not be so messy/fat/lazy/uninspired- things I have a strong tendency towards. And while I don't think the traits that are really at my core are going to change (I think I will always be messy, impatient, and sarcastic), I do have goals that I want to meet for this year and beyond:

1. Be the best mom I am capable of being
2. Always remember to love the ones around me
3. Set the foundation to meet my next set of goals (buying a house, going back to work, having another baby)
4. Lead as purposefully a life as possible
5. Introduce my son to books, music, and all of the beautiful things in the world
6. Protect him from the not-so-beautiful things
7. "Find" my husband again and bring togetherness to our marriage
8. Be willing to learn as I go along instead of thinking I know it all
and, since they all sound a bit vague...

9. LOSE SOME FRIGGIN' WEIGHT!!!

Some of the other things I want for myself (be a better housekeeper, stop reading garbage like Perez Hilton and watching garbage like The Jersey Shore, stop losing my patience with my mother and stop teasing my father-in-law about breastfeeding when it clearly makes him uncomfortable) may or may not happen, and I think it's okay.

It may be a New Year, but every single day is a new day, and all I really want is to be able to enjoy every single one!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!