Saturday, November 7, 2009

"She's convinced she could hold back a glacier..."

Looking at this gadget on my Google home page has been an every day occurrence ever since I became pregnant. Even before we were telling people, I watched the tiny spinning fetus count down its development from conception through gestation with excitement, a little fear, and loads of anticipation!

Today, when I looked at the gadget and saw the countdown at 30 days, there was just one thought that tenderly crossed my mind:

"Ho-lee fa-rEEEKIN' CRAP!"

Seriously. Holy freakin' crap! We are going to be parents in a month! A month! Which means we've had almost 36 weeks to make the changes we need to make-painting his room, ordering furniture, getting jobs... How did we get here without getting ANY of these things done??

Oh, yeah. My Jewish fear of jinxing my baby's well-being and the horrific economy.

So, maybe it's not all our fault. But, my Jewish sensibilities are quickly succumbing to my Type-A psychosis, and with a month left, the fear that we won't have everything we need for this boy- this boy I love soooooooooooooooooooooo much already!- is practically choking me on a daily basis!

I think that part of the problem is that on Monday, I'll be going through another big transition for me- my last day of work! It hasn't quite set in yet that I won't be seeing my gals on a daily basis, which is likely due to the fact that I have every intention of seeing them as often as possible! We went for our usual ritual of tea and haircuts yesterday (clearly the picture is pre-haircut!), and it's a ritual I would love to continue! Missing them isn't really a huge factor, it's more about the fact that Tuesday morning, I am going to wake up and I won't have a job. Well, a job that comes with a paycheck, anyway! And with Pete not having found a nursing job yet...that's when the panic sets in!

So for now, aside from being panicky, I remain hopeful, prayerful, contemplative, and a bit stressed. Add that into being large, and it's alot.

But this boy is all worth it!

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