Skip to main content

"She's convinced she could hold back a glacier..."

Looking at this gadget on my Google home page has been an every day occurrence ever since I became pregnant. Even before we were telling people, I watched the tiny spinning fetus count down its development from conception through gestation with excitement, a little fear, and loads of anticipation!

Today, when I looked at the gadget and saw the countdown at 30 days, there was just one thought that tenderly crossed my mind:

"Ho-lee fa-rEEEKIN' CRAP!"

Seriously. Holy freakin' crap! We are going to be parents in a month! A month! Which means we've had almost 36 weeks to make the changes we need to make-painting his room, ordering furniture, getting jobs... How did we get here without getting ANY of these things done??

Oh, yeah. My Jewish fear of jinxing my baby's well-being and the horrific economy.

So, maybe it's not all our fault. But, my Jewish sensibilities are quickly succumbing to my Type-A psychosis, and with a month left, the fear that we won't have everything we need for this boy- this boy I love soooooooooooooooooooooo much already!- is practically choking me on a daily basis!

I think that part of the problem is that on Monday, I'll be going through another big transition for me- my last day of work! It hasn't quite set in yet that I won't be seeing my gals on a daily basis, which is likely due to the fact that I have every intention of seeing them as often as possible! We went for our usual ritual of tea and haircuts yesterday (clearly the picture is pre-haircut!), and it's a ritual I would love to continue! Missing them isn't really a huge factor, it's more about the fact that Tuesday morning, I am going to wake up and I won't have a job. Well, a job that comes with a paycheck, anyway! And with Pete not having found a nursing job yet...that's when the panic sets in!

So for now, aside from being panicky, I remain hopeful, prayerful, contemplative, and a bit stressed. Add that into being large, and it's alot.

But this boy is all worth it!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My LTYM Experience or How I Accidentally Ended Up On A Stage

The final chapter of my participation in the Listen To Your Mother Show ended with our live performances. I turned 39 on May 3rd and on May 7th, I was on a stage at the beautiful South Orange Performing Arts Center with 12 other souls  (as well as our incredible producers, Sandy, Brooke and Deborah) that handily out-shined the beauty of the space. It all still feels as if it may have been a dream. A very gratifying, emotional dream.

It ended the same way it began, with my worrying about clothes. Before our first rehearsal, I was stressing out knowing that the next morning, I would be meeting a room full of strangers. Not only that, I would be taking a cast picture with these strangers and reading a story of the worst moments of my life. It seemed like too much to be vulnerable about my story and about my precarious self-esteem at the same time.

Despite all of that, I got into my car on a Saturday morning, armed with coffee and the soundtrack to "Hamilton." Clad in the pink a…

Maybe I'm An A-Hole, But I'll Pass On The Pity Date

Do not hate me for this one, guys.

It would seem that "Prom-posals" are the new thing. It's when one teen asks another to prom, but makes it an event. Balloon bouquets, flash-mobs, celeb cameos, flower arrangements- some of these put my actual marriage proposal to shame, much less my awkward heywannagotoprom conversation I had with the guy I was dating my senior year.

It just occurred to me that I should dig up one of my prom pictures. {shudder}

Anyway, back to proms. These extravagant invites have become the stuff of YouTube videos everywhere and, even thought I think the way these have become over-the-top is kind of insane, I'm totally along for the ride. Roses in math class? A flock of minstrels from the glee club to serenade a prom hopeful? I will watch the shit out of that. I think the romanticism is sweet.

At some point, I start to think about PJ as a prom-goer. Right now, while he's in kindergarten, it's hard to know if that's in the cards for him.…

There's still much to learn, so many dreams to earn...

{...stream of consciousness}

Today is April 2nd, World Autism Awareness Day, and it is Autism Awareness Month.

The month begins on the heels of news from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that Autism is on the rise. 1 in 68 children in the areas followed by the CDC are identified as having an Autism Spectrum Disorder, up from 1 in 88 just a few years ago. In New Jersey, the numbers are far higher then the national average at 1 in 45. 

You can view a summary of the latest CDC report here, but there are two points of the report that stood out to me:
Less than half (44%) of children identified with ASD were evaluated for developmental concerns by the time they were 3 years old.Most children identified with ASD were not diagnosed until after age 4, even though children can be diagnosed as early as age 2.Content source: National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities
PJ was diagnosed with Autism shortly after his second birthday. Pete and I had already utilized an e…