So,here we go...
Since I am only the most dedicated of nannies, and a devoted work-a-holic, who has had a full-time job and, until very recently, a full- and part-time job, I am not finding my new status as someone who works part-time to be...well, amazing. All of this sudden attention I am able to give to my own life- i.e., keeping our apartment neat, completing my baby registry, not spending money on take-out because I am too tired to cook- should bring deep shame to the work-a-holic I spent so many years cultivating!!
Should, but kind of doesn't!
I also did not incur the wrath of my husband by scooping out the kitty litter box in my pregnant state. Despite the fact that Gordie is an indoor cat, I wore rubber gloves, and washed my hands vigorously after, I would never fly in the face of the experts who wrote "What To Expect When You're Expecting" by daring to shovel cat crap in my knocked-up state! :-)
Speaking of ways to terrify my husband, I did not strike fear in his heart by asking if he could help me...um, perform some landscaping in some delicate areas of my estate, as they are no longer visible to me. That would just be too much to ask of even the most devoted husband- although really, would you get out a chainsaw and cut down a tree in front of your house with a blindfold on?
And only a weirdo would be excited about going to the doctor every other week, even if it does mean that as of today, I am 28 weeks pregnant and as such, am that much closer to my due date and in need of more frequent medical monitoring! I mean, really. How many times can a person listen to their babies heartbeat before it starts to get old?
I am only the most sensitive of sisters, one who can offer a healing word when my sister is in need. And as such, when Marla was looking for slogans for her Lupus Walk team, I did NOT offer up such insensitive ideas like "Lupus: It's Why My Face Looks Like This" or "Lupus: Making Marla Miserable Since 2008", or my personal favorite "Lupus: It's Not A Secretion From Lou's Cut" (ahem. Get it? Lou Pus? Lupus? Oy...)
And, to round things out, when I was finally able to get a Girls Night Out at Applebee's with my best gals, Marla and Carmen, I did NOT, save for a few bites, polish off an entire order of spinach and artichoke dip,complete with sour cream and salsa, by myself. Because, even for a pregnant lady, that's just wrong! Even if it was served up by Brian, our Favorite Applebees Server!
I did not, would not, could not have done any of these things! :-)