"...and after all the bullshit I've heard it's refreshing now to see that I don't have to pretend..."
I have been looking my computer with longing night after night, but life's events have kept me from the keyboard (more on that in a second!). It's been difficult- I have had so much on my mind and such a full heart that missing my outlet has left me with a clogged up brain. In the past two months, my life has changed in more irrevocable ways then I ever thought possible!!
Of course, there was the loss of my Mom-Mom in March, which has left an infinite hole in my heart. After that, there was Pete's graduation from nursing school, which made that same heart swell with pride and happiness! And in between both of those events, the news that changed our lives forever...
It's true! There's a little, naked Latini gestating away in my uterus! Isn't that the cutest little fetus you have ever seen? It was unexpected news for sure, but a greater blessing then I have ever known! We have known since April 5th- in fact, I was in the earliest stages of pregnancy the last time I saw Mom-Mom alive. I wish with my whole heart that I could have told her, but deep down, I know she knows. And now I have this brand new life inside of me, and I just can't wait to show him or her the world!
Right now, I am a little bit over 11 weeks! Pregnancy has been...well, less then magical!! I'm finding myself to be very tired, and the nausea at night is horrible!! I puked all over my car the other night, and a few weeks earlier, gagged myself while I was brushing my teeth and lost my lunch of chicken noodle soup in the bathroom sink. Bathroom sinks are not equipped to handle vomit, so it wasn't pretty! I had been tallying up all of those magical moments, and was making the age that this kid could start dating later and later! But, then I saw our baby at my first ultrasound- arms and legs, measuring right where we should be, and waving at us!- and all was forgiven!
Like I said, this news was a surprise! We had planned on trying to start a family after Pete was done with nursing school! But, "trying" turned out to be a little easier then we expected (ahem...)! Thank goodness, Pete passed his final, made it through his last clinical with flying colors, and last night was pinned in his nursing school graduation! He complained about the ceremony being "corny", but it was actually quite lovely and it made his parents, sister, nieces and myself so proud to see him graduate!
It is crazy to think of how much our lives have changed in the past year. I have felt the highest of highs (marrying Pete, seeing him graduate from nursing school) and the lowest lows (losing Greg and Mom-Mom within 6 months of each other) and still often feel like my head is spinning and can't take it all in. I have often felt like there was nothing good left in a world that didn't have all of the people I love in it. But now Pete and I have been given this gift, this responsibility of bringing a brand new life into the world! Even though my heart is still raw with loss, I can suddenly see again the gift that loving another person is, when they are with you or not.
We have alot to teach this little one! So,pray for a healthy rehearsal and a fabulous debut in December!!