So, this has become my Monday evening ritual while Pete is doing fireman stuff.
I watch this:
And then, in order to cleanse my filthy soul of the smut of Gossip Girl, I watch this:
After all of that fun, I'll do some cleaning (tonight's project, the bathroom- how does that get so grody so fast?), give my cat some lovies and then head off to bed.
The only problem is that right now, I head off to bed by myself on Mondays. And, to be honest, most of the other days of the week. I don't know why I expected marriage to completely change things, but we are on completely different schedules. Our honeymoon feels like a THOUSAND years ago, not three weeks ago! And, of course, I know that it could be alot worse- my heart is so heavy with all of the sadness and hurt and worry and sickness surrounding the people that I care so much about. So I try to hang in there but sometimes it is SOOOOO lonely.
Thankfully, there are the few moments that we do get to spend that mean so much. So much has changed since I met Pete in 2000, but we still always end up cracking up with laughter when we talk, and that's something that hasn't changed from buddies to great friends all the way through husband and wife, and I hope it never does. It's difficult now, but we truly have so many blessings, and even hope to add more blessings in time.
Sometimes, it's hard for me to see my blessings without feeling so horrible, so guilty, that the people I love most in the world are battling the way they are. It's hard to see that underneath it all, there are still so many small blessings: the way the kids are all growing so fast and so brilliantly, the excitement of a new home on the horizon, career growth. Even the chance to learn just what kind of stuff you are made of, even if you feel like dandelion fluff- like a puff of wind would blow you to pieces. The people I know are so amazing and filled with strength and fire, and I am so, so lucky to know and love them.
So, while I'm not sure how my rundown of my Monday night ritual became a cleansing of my thoughts- I guess that's just where I am today. Now, it's off to hang with the Gosselin's and with the mystery fuzz that forms in my bathroom (which I think is a combo of cat fur and towel fluff, but really, what the hell is that all about?).
I bid you a good night.